I need to vent a little, things that come from frustrations living with my mother--I lived alone for a lot of years before I moved in with her, and I still miss some things about being on my own (except for cats).
- In the morning, Mom often gets up after I do, and she will come out of her room to say good morning (which is fine), then go back in to take her blood pressure and so on (also fine). But every damned time, she announces that she's going to do her blood pressure and so on, and I don't care. I don't need to know. It doesn't need to be said. (Why, no, I'm not a morning person, how did you guess?)
- When Mom and I are in different rooms, and she sees the cat heading my way, she will call out, "Incoming!" And honestly, I don't need to know that. The cat will get my attention on her own, every time. There is nothing I need to prepare. What am I supposed to do with that information? I asked her that once, and she said she just thought I wanted to know. My saying that I didn't has had no effect. (And somehow it seems incredibly petty to tell her again. I don't know, that doesn't make sense even to me.)
- On nights when the Bruins aren't playing, we often turn on another hockey game. I enjoy having hockey on as background noise, but I am not following closely. I don't feel strongly about it. But if I leave the room, say to feed the cat, Mom will call updates to me. I don't care! I don't need to know that Ottawa scored, or that Carolina got a penalty. I. Don't. Care.
Your turn: what do you not need to know?
This is so tough. Honestly, it reminds me a lot of the constant engagement with kids, especially when they're younger. I used to feel like my brain was on fire because there was CONSTANT stimulation. It wasn't necessarily hard stuff to process it was just constant. And grating on the nerves.
ReplyDeleteI know you're doing your best to make the best of a often-challenging situation. Sending internet hugs and commiseration. I would also struggle mightily with things like this (I'm NOT a morning person, I'm and introvert, and I LIKE PEACE AND QUIET).
At least the elevator is fixed?
It's true, the elevator does work! We had a brief scare last weekend but it seems to be fine now, and I am very grateful for that.
DeleteI just really like quiet too; there are times when my brain is screaming, just stop talking for five minutes. I'm working on getting myself out of the house more--even if I do things with other people, I need the break!
When we're around someone too much, everything starts to bother us. My mom gets on my nerves and I don't even live with her! (but I spend part of most days with her)
ReplyDeleteIt's nice to have people understand. It's not that she's doing anything wrong or being awful, it's just too much.
DeleteYour friend Elizabeth put it perfectly: it's the constant stimulation.
ReplyDeleteWhat I did when I had four kids in six years was that, for the longest time, I would get up in the morning and take a good swift walk around the neighborhood by myself. It was my guaranteed alone time and I needed it.
Then there was the time some guy called out helpfully, That baby'll get here! and I yelled back his way, She's six weeks old!
Oh, ouch!
DeleteOh, living with other people means that someone is always saying something TOO MANY TIMES, LEAVE ME ALONE. Maybe that someone is me sometimes? I don't know but I totally understand this!
ReplyDeleteThank you! Literally as I was responding to comments, she came in to tell me something (at more length than needed, but okay), and walked out of the room talking to herself and I'm sitting here going, stop talking, stop talking, just stop talking.
DeleteSigh. My sympathies. My mother lives with me ONE WEEK A MONTH and it honestly stresses me out SO BADLY that I need a whole day after she leaves to get over it. She's 93, incontinent, and has Alzheimer's. And is almost completely deaf. I get so tired of hollering all the time. And she refuses to drink water, but has to because she has Afib. So I spend an entire week hollering at her to DRINK HER WATER, and answering the same questions or hearing the same things OVER AND OVER AGAIN ad nauseum. And telling her to go to the bathroom.
ReplyDeleteYou are not alone. XO
Oh, mercy, my sympathies back to you! My mother also has a lot of hearing loss (getting hearing aids has been on the back burner with all the other recent problems) and yes, the volume needed to get her to hear me is wearying on top of everything.
DeleteI would find it very, very difficult to live with my mother. I love her and she has been so helpful with the kids and us all these years, but our personalities are SO different, so I have so much sympathy for you. I know what you mean about stupid things getting irritating also. When I gently nudge my husband in the middle of the night he invariably asks "WAS I SNORING?" No hon, I just thought of a joke I wanted to tell you at 3 a.m. OF COURSE YOU WERE SNORING.
ReplyDeleteHa! Yes, dear, that would be why. Yeah, Mom and I are actually pretty compatible to live together, but the amount of togetherness and lack of quiet times were already tiring me before everything ramped up to 11 in recent months.
DeleteOh boy. I empathize with this SO MUCH. There are just some things that rub you wrong, and even if you feel like your reactions are silly or petty or whatever, the things still RUB YOU WRONG.
ReplyDeleteYes! Like, sometimes something she's doing is annoying me, like talking to herself as she does stuff, and hey, I do that too! But when you're feeling quiet-deprived, it seems worse to have her talking for no reason.
DeleteI have to get out more.
It's those minor annoyances, isn't it, that come with living with another person. I live alone and LOVE IT and I would really struggle living with someone else (hence my perpetual single status, lol). The constant noise and stimulation and TALKING is just too much. Hang in there!
ReplyDeleteYes, that's it exactly! I just need a cone of silence sometimes.
DeleteIt's hard to live with someone, especially when you're not doing it voluntarily but more out of necessity. I gather you're having a good relationship with your mom otherwise, but yeah, those tiny little things in the day to day can be taxing... and it's even worse if it seems petty but still makes your skin crawl every time the person does something . Ugh. Not easy. I am sorry.
ReplyDeleteYes to all this--thank you for making me feel seen! I do feel petty, especially if I am annoyed by her doing something that I probably do myself! And yet, and yet.
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