As of mid-January, I am saying yes, yes it is. And while it does somewhat suck, also: I am 55 years old, it's about effing time to get into menopause. I mean, not that I WANT to be having hot flashes! But I have been ready to be done with periods for years now. Let's go, let's get this over with. (I know, I know, no guarantees...let me have the fantasy for now.)
I saw my gynecologist in December, just checking in on things, and she asked if I was having any symptoms yet. I told her that I wasn't sure, because everyone was saying, when you get hot flashes you will know, you will have no doubt! and I just wasn't sure*. She said that there's a range of symptoms and a scale of severity, and that it could be for me, this was what I would get. And I said, if that was all, hey, I'd be giving thanks for that!
*Or as I told her, "I have doubt."
A month later, I think it's safe to say I have no doubt. I'm having to wear layers so I can cool off quickly, and I am already so tired of taking things off and putting them back on (I often feel briefly chilled right before a flash, so I guess my system is really out of whack). I see her for my annual exam in April, so it will be interesting to see what else there is to talk about, what will happen before then.
What's frustrating to me, as a person who likes answers and rules and to understand what's happening and why, is that there are so many maybes to this stage of life. I was talking to friends last night about how I have to write down everything, and even then good luck remembering if I don't look at what I wrote, and I realized that brain fog could be part of menopause for me.
And then, what about pointless rage? I remember that from the time when I was on steroids, and would suddenly be livid about something that, even then, I realized was nothing much. I do feel very short-tempered lately, and had been putting it down to, you know, the last six months of stress with Mom's health etc., but it could be the hormones are, if not causing, at least not helping the situation. Who knows?
More generally, I just feel like my emotions are closer to the surface than usual. We got home yesterday (Mom had a doctor's routine appointment, then we ran some errands) and found that the elevator was out of order. After all the work that's gone into it in the last few years! I was more mad and fed up than anything (well, and worried about Mom climbing the stairs, which was hard on her, but she managed). But today they let us know that the company has to order parts to fix it, so it will be a few days, and I teared up. And yes, it's upsetting, but not usually something that would make me cry...I don't know.
They really need a plug-in diagnostic for humans. You know how you take your car to the mechanic and they plug it in and can see what system is the problem? I want one like that. Here's what wrong, here's what you can do to help. Now there's a fantasy.
I think we all have it very differently. I know I had about a year of weird periods (some heavy, some light, some not at all, etc.). I had very few flashes; none severe. My doctor told me that perimenopause can last up to ten years (!) - I think that's the worst case scenario though. I was very fortunate that my symptoms were pretty minor - hopefully yours will be too!
ReplyDeleteAnd yes, a plug in diagnostic for humans would be VERY useful..
My last real period was in June of 2022, but then I had random weird spotting on and off for a month in April and May of 2023. I am hoping so hard that that's it for the periods, but I'm afraid to believe it! I'll talk to the doctor in April about what that means in terms of peri- versus menopause, but at the end of the day I don't know how much the terms matter.
DeleteI like the idea of the plug in diagnostics for humans! I started peri-menopause in my mid forties. I don't remember the emotional side of it (my family might disagree) but I did have instances of hot flashes and even worse, night sweats. I hated those! I took a menopause pill with black cohosh in it and it seemed to help. Almost the minute I turned 50 my periods went completely away, never to return. Although I don't miss them, I do miss my faster metabolism and thinner body.
ReplyDeleteOh boy, do I ever relate to this! I am going to be 49 in a couple of months and I am definitely in perimenopause. Some nights I will wake up with hot flashes, SO SWEATY, C, SO SWEATY. It's so weird because my whole life I have ran cold, and now, not. I think the best indicator of the age of menopause - or so I've been told - is your mother's age, and my mom was 52 I think, so I've got a few more years of periods to go, I guess. Right now I'm in a stage where I get my period every 3 to 3 1/2 weeks, which feels INSANE. And the emotions, lordy, the emotions. Anyhoo, I feel you babe.
ReplyDeleteI haven't had the really severe night sweats some report, but sometimes when I get up to use the bathroom I feel freezing cold, so I get all snuggled back into bed...and then a few minutes later I'm sweating. Am I having a hot flash, or just snuggling in too much? Who knows.
DeleteI'm so sorry. Ugh. I was so grumpy and irritable this week and yesterday my period started and I was like...Oh, right. My entire emotional life gets upended every few months. This is fun. (NOT!)
ReplyDeleteWhen my kids were little, I blamed everything on teething. Now that I'm getting older, in my own life I blame everything on hormones.
I think I will just start blaming hormones for everything, too. Why not, it could be the cause of just about anything!
DeleteOh, I'm so sorry. This sounds terrible. You're so right that bodies should have a rulebook and owner's manual. My mom said she had periods well into her 60s, as did her older sister, so I guess this whole menopause thing can take a long time, right? *sigh*
ReplyDeleteMy mother actually doesn't remember exactly when she did start menopause, so I don't know for sure. She thinks mid-50s, though, so I would be on target if that's the case.
DeleteIt is ABSOLUTE BULLSHIT, so much more so because the medical establishment knows basically nothing because it only happens to women. The brain fog is so bad some days it really worries me, but I'm pretty sure, from what I've read, it is all the peri stuff. I have run hot for years, though, and it's not that much worse now. I just don't really bother putting stuff on. I'd rather be cold than hot.
ReplyDeleteI'm sure it doesn't help having your mother's health as a stressor on top of it though. I hope your doctor can figure out something that is helpful (probably not though, because fucking patriarchy).
When I was having my most recent mammogram, I said to the tech that if men had to have them, they would have come up with painless methods by now, and she totally agreed. Women have been overlooked so long in medicine, and it is awful.
DeleteI never had hot flashes, but the lack of concentration was a big symptom for me. I found that I no longer could devour books like I used to; I was so distractable and couldn't seem to "get lost" in a book like I always had before.
ReplyDeleteIf men went through menopause, there would be a hundred years of research and meds for it. Since it's a Woman Thing, then...NOT.
My peri interval didn't last nearly as long as some women's have. Obviously, everyone is different. You seem like a strong woman who can advocate for herself; keep doing that.
Thank you for saying so! I do appreciate it. I have noticed the same lack of concentration for a while, actually, that I don't often sit and read for a long stretch the way I used to, and yeah, that could be part of this. But, I mean, so many things COULD be part of it, argh.
DeleteI started the hot flashes at 38. I didn't finish menopause till 54. Layers became a way of life (plus the fact that I live in the daily temperature swings of essentially a desert climate--it's in its own version of it.) Anyway. The thing I find helps the frustrations of life the best is just a little random brisk exercise. Five minutes. Ten. Two. Anything helps.
ReplyDeleteOh and the lack of concentration thing? One of these years I'll remember to click on the "Alison (Google)" so it scrolls down to where I have to fill in the Alison so that you'll actually know it's not dead-link me but real-blog me here.
ReplyDeleteOmg when you mentioned a diagnosis machine, I immediately thought of this scene in Idiocracy:
ReplyDeletehttps://youtu.be/hmUVo0xVAqE?si=6BY3zQGxxn7e-tv8
Oh nooooo!
DeleteI never had a hot flash but the rage, the inability to control my face so the dumboundedness atb people's stupidity registering didn't (still doesn't) show, the occasional lapse of memory?? Oh yeah!! The hope is that your starting so late will mean it will not last long.
ReplyDeleteI hope that's the case! And yeah, working from home for so long means I already have lost much of my "public face" when confronting WTF, so if that goes even further, I'm in trouble.
DeleteThe problem with menopause or perimenopause is that nobody talks about it and it's something that doctors also don't bring up routinely (or so it seems), and so nobody knows what to expect and it's different for everybody. Sigh. NOT HELPFUL. I am glad you're paying attention to any changes and can hopefully pinpoint some of it.
ReplyDeleteI actually have an appointment with my primary just before the GYN appointment, we'll see what the first one says, if anything.
DeleteI love that you're talking about this because NOBODY TALKS ABOUT THIS (like San said!) It's such a huge part of our lives and we all go into it not understanding how it's going to affect us. I hope you are able to get some answers at your doctor's appointments!
ReplyDeleteThank you! I hope so too. I agree, it's one of those things that not enough women talk about. And it's going to happen to us, talk or no!
DeleteI echo the above; thank you for talking about this! My Mom started peri around mid 40s, which is where I am now, but she never really mentioned it to me until I asked her what age she had been, as I was experiencing some bloating and had heard that peri sometimes had that as a symptom. I had actually brought the question to my GYN who said that it "couldn't be that" as I was "too young." WTF! I am making the face you were talking about in one of your other comments....why would she not follow up my query with a question about my Mom's history with menopause!? And she is a woman too!
ReplyDeleteIt's all so crazy-making.
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