Work thoughts, 3 month Carlos-versary

At work, I've been training someone on all the stuff I do. He's a new guy, and he may not end up doing all of it, but he's here and that's what they told me to do. He's not a bad guy, though he thinks he's funnier than he is, in my opinion. Anyway, he's nice enough, pretty smart, very cheerful (very, very cheerful), interested in the company's products (much more than I am, in fact), and basically makes me feel jaded and old and super-grouchy. I've had to bite my tongue a few times, in order to stop myself from saying bad things about the company, even vague things like, "Wait until you've been here a while, you'll see why I'm like this."

This morning on the way to work, I was singing along to the radio, and these lyrics really seemed to say it:

I started out clean but I'm jaded
Just phoning it in.

Anyway! I have not said many things, will continue to not say them, and no doubt he will learn in time. Meanwhile, he's doing fine*, and I get to leave after 12 more days. Eyes on the prize.

*I am getting really tired of having him walk into my cube all the time, though; it turns out, I'm a bit territorial. These things are not big enough for two, and I get claustrophobic. He has his own cube across the aisle, but he'll jump right in to "my" space and I want to tell him to back off, he's breathing all my air. He's just doing the work, I know, he has to do some of it at my desk, but give me room! And it kind of creeps me out to come back to my desk and find that he's been on my computer (for a valid work reason, but still). And though objectively I'm sure it's not true and why should I care if it is, I feel like he's judging me, my conduct and attitude and general lack of enthusiasm for working here. Sigh. My head is a neurotic place.

For the sake of the company, though, it is scary how many people have commended me on leaving, said they wished they could leave, confided that they're looking, said fervently how they understand why I'm leaving, and so on and on. My boss is at the same place of desperation I was before I gave notice, with only her mortgage holding her back from giving notice herself. Perhaps the upper management will turn things around, but I get no sense that they are aware there is a problem. And that is a huge problem.

But it isn't my problem.

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I still don't know why they asked me to stay on another week. I asked my boss, and she said that "they" asked her to ask me to. But what difference does it make? Was it just a test to see if I was committed to leaving? New Guy has the basics down, and only experience will give him more than that. He's already doing most of my work, which means I feel like I'm sitting around with nothing to do but "supervise" him. It's extremely boring. Boring is better than infuriating, I guess ... but it's infuriating that I'm here being bored! Just let me leave, people.

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Someone at work made a contribution to the candy dish on my desk: Lindt truffles, white chocolate inside milk chocolate. I think they're yummy, though I get that not everyone likes white chocolate. ("It's not even really chocolate!" they exclaim, as though I have never heard this and will immediately apologize for my heresy--and nerve.) The thing is, this is free for anyone who wants some, no one is forcing you to have some, and when they ask what something is and then make a horrible face about it, it makes me want to say, "Oh, I'm sorry, is this free candy not to your taste? How can I make it up to you for this tragic calamity*? Please, tell me what I can do."

*Repetitive redundancy alert!

I think it's safe to say that I have no problem providing a candy bowl, but the attendant human issues are wearing me down. It's also safe to say that at my new job (when I get one), I will not be putting out candy, at least not right away.

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It's now three months since I got Carlos, and he's doing so well! I really love having him here, having a lap cat again, a cat who welcomes being petted and wants to curl up next to me. I'll always miss Harold, I still miss Pan, but Carlos is a love, and I'm happy to have him.


He was about a hundred times more relaxed and laid back on Day One than Miri ever has been, but there are signs that he is more comfortable living here now than he was at first. He went from staying on the perch in the office most all the time, to venturing cautiously out to explore and quickly retreat, to finding other spots he likes and gradually feeling safe in them. The night-time yowls that led to his being closed into the office have long stopped. He'll play with Miri, or warn her off if he's not in the mood, without seeming either scared or over-aggressive.

He likes to be on the bed, on the corner where he can look out the window (and woe betide any who try to close the curtain, woman, I have to look out! yes, even at night!). At first, he very much wanted me to be there with him: when I got in bed, he would be right behind me, and sometimes when I was getting ready for bed, and going in and out of the bedroom getting things, he kept following me hopefully in and sadly out again, all but asking when I would settle down finally? Now? How about now?

He didn't like to stay there without me, at first: if I got up, he got up. Slowly, though, this is changing. When I got up, he would sometimes stay there. For a few minutes, or for a while. And finally, I saw him on the bed when I hadn't led him there. Not only that, but Miri was there, too. A safe foot away, but still. (I could tell she was lying there sending powerful love-and-snuggle-me rays toward him, but so far he's unbending on that point.) Now, if he's not there when I get in bed, he usually comes along, but he'll also go there of his own accord, curl up, look out.

He's also started to come along when I'm on the couch, and look for a lap, considering my suggestion and jumping up, rather than just accepting it if I pick him up. It's so nice to have a cat on my lap.


Now I'm off to that couch to watch Game 4! The Bruins blog from the Globe had an encouraging stat this morning for the Bruins, who lead the series 2 games to 1: "All-time, the Bruins are 21-8 when they have led 2-1." Doesn't that sound good? Go Bruins, go Bruins!