The way my mind works, whenever a really severe storm is coming in, along with hoping that I won't lose power, I also think about where I will have to (or be able to) go in the unlikely event I have to go somewhere. This morning, I realized that for this storm, I wouldn't have to consider where I could go and bring a cat with me.
Missing Carlos can come from the oddest places.
Yesterday, I changed the background photo on my tablet.
Right after Carlos died, I didn't want to change it. I love this photo. But yesterday, I decided that looking at it is making me feel sad more often than it makes me smile, so I changed it. I can always put it back, once the loss hurts less than it does now. Seven weeks feels like forever, but in this context, it isn't long.
The new photo, taken at Christmas:
These other photos aren't so pleasant, at least to me. This morning at 8, I started to take a photo out the window every hour, to see the snow progression, at least until dark. It's light and blowing like hell, so who knows how much we've actually gotten, and it hasn't stopped yet, but you can see it piling up. It never got as full-on whiteout as I was expecting; my reaction went up the scale to "wow," but never reached "oh my god."
At 8:
At 9:
At 10:
At 11:
At 12:
At 1:
At 2:
At 3:
At 4:
And finally, at about 20 of 5, because the light is going fast:
I was looking out when plows went down the street, and yikes, that's a lot of snow they're pushing. I'm so glad I have nowhere I need to go. I don't see any point in shoveling my car out now, before our plow has even come. Though it's only going to get colder; maybe I should.
Sigh. Adulthood. I just want to curl up on the couch and knit.
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