Lately, I have found myself frequently lamenting if I have to do anything that isn't reading. All I want to do is read.
All. I want. To do. Is read.
Every spare minute. Evenings on the couch. Weekends between forcing myself to actually do things that need doing. Walking from condo to condo, checking on neighbors' places. In the elevator (hey, it's slow, those minutes get boring).
I was on a zoom call last week knitting with a friend when that came up, and I added "and knit" a bit less than convincingly, since lately my only knitting time has been with others*. She asked if I knit while doing something else, like watching TV, and yeah, sometimes I do, particularly during hockey season. But lately, all I want to do is read, and we agreed that sometimes, that's all that shuts the brain down to a single focus.
*Though now and then I have coffee and a pastry at a local bakery on a Saturday and people-watch while knitting.
This is not a good time in America (and plenty of other places). All sorts of awful shit is happening, all the time, over and over. And the more I let it into my brain, the harder it is to function.
Other than being a woman, I am not in a class that is heavily targeted right now. I'm white, middle-class, above childbearing age but not into the Medicare years...but what's happening to other people right now is terrifying, institutions are caving and crumbling, and I feel fragile.
So I read.
Family members I visited with last night include folks from Texas and a few others whom I'm very careful discussing any kind of politics with. And yet they brought it up and turns out we were unanimous now re horror at the destruction and the need to vote this mess out. I take some hope from that.
ReplyDeleteI am feeling the same way. Scared, helpless, hopeless, angry.
ReplyDeleteI'm honestly a bit skeptical of anyone who says they aren't right now.
DeleteThank you for this.
ReplyDeleteI've been a political activist for decades, attending rallies, writing letters, making phone calls, working on campaigns, and donating more money than my husband is comfortable with. I'm still doing some of this, but it's getting overwhelming. I feel as if I'm getting trampled--like the ignorance and inertia is just too vast and entrenched and I can't make a difference anymore.
I'm reading, too, just like I did when I was a kid trying to escape an unsatisfactory life. Reading and despairing and hoping it all turns out okay somehow--that the grownups will fix it in the end.
Trampled is the right word. It's a firehose of awful and it keeps knocking me down. Books are better.
DeleteWhy, yes! Since you bring it up, things are pretty horrible. And I've been reading way more than ever before. Coincidence? (I think not!) When I'm not reading- like when I'm driving or running- I listen to podcasts about books. So I'm definitely in a bookish bubble, and I like it here.
ReplyDeleteYes, really, I need this break in the bookish bubble.
DeleteThis is how I feel, too. And I have realized that this isn't the time for heavy books or anything dystopian. I just want to escape into worlds that will take my mind off this nightmare!
ReplyDeleteI feel seen. I mean, I don’t read a lot of books, so maybe not, but I just want to wake up and have this nightmare be over. Better yet, to have NEVER HAPPENED.
ReplyDeleteHello. I started to blog again because of all of this. Books and science fiction movies that I would not watch otherwise.
ReplyDelete