Sunday Night Already? May, Already?

One small drawback to this time of year is that I have to remember to check the clock. Because, you know, it's still light out at 6, which is great! Unless you think it's closer to 4. And it isn't. Whoops. Funny how providing a cat lap for 2-3 hours this morning really took a chunk out of my get-things-done time .

Another small issue of the time of year?


The annual irony that I love to go out in the nice(r) Spring weather, and then it makes my head hurt. To quote Marvin, "Life! Don't talk to me about life."

Of course, most of my current stress has nothing to do with Spring issues. It's mostly waiting-for-Tuesday(-and-beyond) issues. But we'll focus on other things, shall we? Even if it has to be that damned kid next door and his unprintable basketball. Thud thud thud clang. Time to go in for dinner, surely, kid?

As it's the first of the month, it's time to look back at a few things for April: exercise and reading.


The exercise numbers were down, due to a combination of factors (such as: being out of town, being lazy, and trying to bike harder, not longer). Still, 139 minutes is way down from March. Oh well. I will endeavor to persevere, despite a dearth of positive reinforcement (basically, all I have to show at this point for this not inconsiderable time-and-effort investment is part of a sock).

Then there's reading. I'm on much the same pace as I have been this year, and read 21 books in April. Of those:

• 15 were new to me, and only 6 were re-reads
• I got 14 from the library (I love the library)
• a surprising number of them were good
  

Of course, if I don't like a book, I am not hesitant to close it, take it back to the library, and move on. When I was younger, I was more wedded to the idea of finishing every book I started, but one day I started a book and when I saw how the plot was developing (hint: very predictably) and grew frustrated, I decided I didn't want to finish it even more than I wanted to be a book-finisher, and felt liberated. Whew!

One of the books came from the library with enough damage that they made a note of it (so they'd know it wasn't done by me).


I love the note specifying the damage:


Now, to end on a pleasant note, here's a field full of very cheery weeds:


And the contentedness of a cat on a lap.

Some February Summaries

Time for a quick one before the Bruins game starts! Shall we start with the tulips? I think so. They're pretty dead now in reality, but even looking at the pictures makes me smile:


I had a physical today (everything's fine), and had to sneak a shot of this sign. That's a general penalty for overuse of capital letters, and two penalties for unnecessary quotation marks, plus a whole lot of misplaced and/or missing punctuation. Whew!


February Summary, Exercising subcategory:

Each star is five minutes on the bike, except for last Sunday, when the first star was ten minutes. Building up! And as you can see, February was a vast improvement on January:

Have to make March even better!

Other February Summary, Reading subcategory: 21 books, 12 for the first time. My favorite new book read last month was Seven Miles to Arden, by Ruth Sawyer (published in 1915, available on Project Gutenberg). Also very much enjoyed The Candymakers, by Wendy Mass (in contrast, published in 2010).

Finally, just when I think the cats can't get any cuter:

Wow.

Let's Talk About Something Else

Thinking about my friend's mother who died, and the corresponding thoughts of when my dad died, is depressing. And right now, job and job-search limbo thoughts are depressing. Let's go with a random, bulleted list of Anything Else. Shall we?

• When I was listening to the Bruins preseason game from Montreal last week, the announcers cracked me up a few times. Not being a close follower of Montreal's Tomas Plekanec, I found it funny that they mostly called him "Plek", not that the nickname doesn't make sense (and when they used his full name, they pronounced it differently than I've heard it, which is PlehCANitch [in Montreal, they said it more like PLEKanick]).
  
• I am, however, used to my favorite Bruin's name, and our announcers don't pronounce his name Bear'geron.
  
• The funniest one, though, wasn't a player name, but a term. When a team's power play is almost over, their goalie will bang his stick on the ice so his teammates know time's running out. I've never heard that practice named, but apparently (?) it's called "beaver-tailing". Learn something new every day!
  
• I've lost a little more weight this month. Not much, but after stalling for months, it's nice to see the number finally go down again. And no, I didn't change a damned thing. Crazy.
• When I had dinner with a friend last week, the first thing she said was that I'd lost weight. I saw her in July, and I haven't lost much since then, but still the validation was nice. Put down the cookies.
  
• I finished the little shawl/neck-warmer that I made for work. I have to get some pictures of it on, to show the full effect, but I like it. Here it is, before washing, and blocking (under supervision by the pin-checker):
  

• It's a wee bit prickly, but over time I'll pull out the guard hairs, and that will improve.
• Fall is really coming here. It gets cooler at night, sometimes much cooler, even when it's hot during the day--and often it isn't hot. Also, the leaves are starting to change here and there, and it's beautiful. I'll try to get some pictures up soon.
• It was, however, quite sickeningly humid yesterday (granted, it rained on and off too; hard not to be humid in the rain), and this morning wasn't much better. Not too bad now, but it's supposed to rain again later tonight. Naturally.
  
• I was in Providence Saturday night with friends (we saw Camelot at Trinity Rep, it was really good), and one of the topics of conversation after dinner was what we would do if one of us won the lottery. I was just thinking about what to say, when I looked up and saw the following, and my train of thought completely derailed.

• Understandably, I think. The conversation naturally veered as well, we walked on, and it was a good five minutes before I remembered to give my idea. I opened my mouth, and there it was going by us again. I kind of felt like this extremely bizarre thing was following us, waiting for me to think about winning the lottery.
• Though I don't know why he'd care if I won the lottery.
  
• No, I don't know why Caprio is campaigning with a rocket car.
• The Bruins are currently down 1-0 in tonight's pre-season game against Washington. In last night's game, they lost 3-2. Ah, well. It's not even half-way through; they have time.
• The team leaves tonight for Belfast, where they will play an exhibition game against a local team.
• Then they go to the Czech Republic, to open the season against Phoenix.
• The two games they play there are over Columbus Day weekend, when I'll be in New York for Apple Festival. Piffle.
• Time to get on with the evening. I did return a nearly-overdue library book and get groceries, so it hasn't been a wasted evening, but I should perform some routine kitty maintenance before bed.
  

Still Tired (I know, really)

So yes, I am very tired once again. However, in my supernatural intelligence, I think I know why.

Tuesday after work, when I got to the end of the T ride and was waiting for the bus, I was overcome with dislike for the idea of waiting ten or fifteen minutes to cram onto the bus like a sardine. My thumb/wrist hurt like blazes, and I just wanted to get away.

So I started walking. And let the bus pass me when it came, and walked the rest of the way home, just over a mile and a half. It was a beautiful day, and moving felt good.

And I did the same thing yesterday, and today. And I think that's why I'm more tired than usual.

Did I mention, too, that on Monday I wore one of the skirts I bought a few weeks ago that was a little too small at the time? I wore it this week because it fits now.

Hmm. Could there be some sort of relationship between these things?

Off to prepare for bed. Have a good one, y'all. (And maybe tomorrow I'll manage random pictures!)

Little Irritants, Looking More Happily Ahead

I can't wait to shake the dust of this workplace from my shoes. On top of everything else...

So the weigh-in was supposed to happen between 9 and 11 this morning. I usually have a small snack, like a granola bar, around 10 (creature of habit much?), but I figured I would wait until after the weigh-in, why add to the number, right?

10 ... 10:30 ... 11 ... hungry ... 11:30 ... at 11:45, I e-mailed the person to ask if I missed it? ... 12:00 and "starving". But I don't want to eat right before being weighed! (Like it's going to make that much of a difference, really, but still.)

She e-mailed back a few minutes later, to say she'd be over at 1*. No way was I waiting for lunch that long. I compromised and had my soup but held the apple for later.

*Or that was how I read it...

1 ... 1:30 ... 2 ... 2:30 ... another e-mail from her: if you haven't been weighed yet, come see me!

Oh, we're supposed to come there? (I may have mentioned before that the company is in two buildings.) When the contest started, she came over to the building I'm in, to weigh whoever was interested. I made the logical but apparently incorrect assumption that she would do the same at the end. It seems that was my mistake.

It's just more small stupid stuff. One person walks between buildings this way, or 17 people walk between buildings that way...

Fuck it. I can weigh myself at home. I just did, in fact, and the number was 227.6. At the weigh-in on January 5th, it was 238.8. Therefore, I lost roughly eleven pounds. Yay.

Further updates as events warrant.

**********
It did stop raining today, mostly (mist this morning, light sprinkles tonight). The sun didn't come out, but baby steps. Maybe tomorrow. Hey, my mother comes in to town tomorrow, the sun will be out for me! Friday we drive to Grandma's, returning Monday, which is to say, I may or may not post for a few days here. In case I don't, Happy Easter!

Notes on cats, food/exercise, and Fios

Cat update first. Breaking news: he's cute!


Okay, it's not breaking news, but honestly, he is so cute. And sweet. And relaxed! I can bump into something and it doesn't send him quivering into the ceiling. All so new.

For that matter, as he was jumping up onto the window perch tonight, he bumped the bowl of crunchies with his paw, scattering them with a clatter. It didn't bother him a bit, but I heard her fleeing the kitchen from the terrible noise.

When I came home tonight, they both came along to see what was happening. I bent over and petted one cat with each hand, and they were fine with the proximity. Baby steps.

***************************
I've been trying to ride the exercise bike more often, even if it's just 5 minutes a night. It's funny how 5 minutes is only painful some nights, and pure torture others! Last night it just about killed me, while one night last week I managed it okay, and even did another 2 minutes later the same night without hating it as much as I did last night. Weird.

And my hamstrings* are sore**, which is annoying too. But, I've lost a few of those pesky pounds, so I am motivated to keep it up, along with the eating plan (you know, the one that makes me stop and think before I put every single edible thing I see in my mouth).

*I had to ask Google what the name is of the muscle on the back of the thigh. I knew quadriceps are the front, but was blanking on the back. And it could be more than those, but somewhere in the neighborhood is some pain.
**Ow.

I find that I do better with the food aspect on weekdays, when I have a regular schedule, while on weekends when I don't have a timetable my eating is harder to make regular and controlled.

And another thing I noticed is that sometimes, it's easier to stop myself having the first Heath bar than it is to stop after one. How's that for helpful advice? Sorry.

***************************
I signed up for Fios on Sunday, and each day since then I've had a little here-we-come e-mail from Verizon. The part that concerns me is that they refer to the installation process at taking either "4-6 hours" or "4-8 hours". That's kind of a big difference, and a long time either way. (Does it include a break for lunch, or is that extra time?) I hope I like the installation person, since it seems he or she will be there for quite a while.

I seem to be having an imagination failure, but I truly can't imagine what he or she will have to DO that takes so long.

Different Kinds of Exercise

Last night I rode the bike for a few minutes (baby steps).

Tonight I wrangled two two-year-olds.

I'm much more tired tonight. They're getting too big for me to carry (I can't lift them together anymore), but if there's a meltdown, carrying has to happen. Whoof!

This (hockey) and That (weigh-in)

Hockey Note
The Bruins' newest player started tonight, accelerated into the lineup with Bergeron now out with a broken thumb (ouch) (2-6 weeks!). If I were coaching, I don't think I could resist putting Miroslav Satan on a line with Marc Savard and Marco Sturm. Ms line, anyone?

*****
Put Your Money Where Your Mouth Is
Today was the weigh-in for the contest at work. I'm starting off at 238.8*, which is around where I thought I was, and not where I want to be.

*I heard someone yesterday saying that she should play along, but it meant someone would know her weight! And she didn't like that. I mean, really? It's not like it's going to be sent out to the company. One person will know your starting weight, and then your finishing weight. That's enough to stop you? (I think she decided to do it in the end.)

I've had a few thoughts on my strategies, to use the fancy word. For instance, the first three things to do when I feel a hunger pang between meals:

• drink water
• wait; being hungry for a little while won't kill me
• eat a small, healthy snack
  

On the other hand, I'm not cutting all treats completely, because that would never work, especially in period week, just saying. I want to choose healthier more often, though.

This is not my beautiful August!

To look at how I was dressed today, you would never know that it is August. I have had it up to here with this 10-20 degrees below average temperature. I demand the return of summer weather!

Oh, what did I wear? I wore a tank top, long sleeve shirt, and sweater today. I almost wish I'd worn long johns under my khakis (except that I refuse to, in August), because my legs were cold. Outside, 60 degrees this morning (and raining, of course). Inside at work, not much better (they keep the air conditioning blowing constantly because ... It's August!). Brrr.

I get in trouble all the time when I think something is "supposed to be" a certain way, and this is one of those times. August in Boston is Supposed To Be hot. So hot you're sick of it, so hot you know it's still summer and you're almost ready for summer to end, only you're not. Humid, sure, but not raining every day. We had double the average rainfall in July, and August is keeping on that pace. Enough already! Please...

When I left work tonight, the sun was mostly out, and it was 75, which is an improvement. But the clouds presage more storms. Sigh.


It makes me tired.


Why my pants* are too tight today

*Brits, please substitute trousers, kthnx

This morning I reaffirmed my resolve to lose some weight. I don't know why today particularly, but today I just thought yes, time to work on this again. Doesn't have to be a lot, but the numbers have been creeping up, and it's reached the point of impacting my clothing. I really can't have this. So when I pulled on my khakis and they were verging on uncomfortable, I didn't switch to a different pair. Instead, I told myself that some negative reinforcement might help me keep my eyes on the goal.

It is uncomfortable.

So is being hungry.

But if I can put up with the latter, the former will improve.

Because that's why I want to lose weight. Not because I think it "looks better". Not to reach a predetermined magic number. Not because it's "healthier". Quite likely if I ate more healthy foods, and less crap, I would be healthier, but that's an amorphous goal. I want to fit into my clothing better, period.

By preference, I'm not a person who gets on the scale a lot. I think it's because I sense that I could get addicted to that number and what it does (up? down?), so I try to stay away. However, since I now have to monitor Pan's weight to make sure he stays healthy, I've been weighing myself every two weeks for almost 18 months, and I can see what that number is doing.

Of course, the fit of my clothing tells the same tale. It isn't really about the number, when I take a step back. It's about what the number means.

Forecast: continued mostly grumpy

Now, maybe it's the hormones?

For the last, what, month? I've been blaming the weather for my frequent and grumpy unhappiness. Now today's weather is decent, not fabulous but miles better than most of what we've had lately, so why am I still grumpy?

I know none of you charming people would be so rude as to tell me that I might feel better if I exercised, but in case you were thinking it, I shake my head at you. I have been exercising, consistently and increasingly (and it does nothing for my mood). I may be falling down on the Eat Less part of The Plan, but Exercise More I am doing. In fact, I'm doing more More, based on two "duh" moments I had last week.

I was a little discouraged that I wasn't feeling able to do more than 5 minutes on the bike at a time, still, after two-plus months, when I realized that I could probably manage the 5 minutes twice a day, instead of once. So, a week ago Sunday, I did, with no ill effects. Good!

Then, last Thursday morning, shortly after I woke up, I remembered that I hadn't biked the night before, and decided to try doing it that morning, though I had previously not done the bike in the morning. However, no problem, other than needing to do it with a little time in the schedule before showering (to allow the jelly-legs feeling to diminish). So, I have been doing this most days over the last week (in addition to continuing the twice-daily walks at work), and you know what? The biking, although still not easy, is not quite as obnoxious as it was before.

My first goal was this:

The goal I set was modest, since I don't want to set myself up to fail. I figured that once I get into the rhythm of it, I can up the numbers, but for now, I will try to do five minutes at a time*, at least three weekdays and once over the weekend. This doesn't mean that if I ride on Saturday, I won't ever ride on Sunday, just that if I can't face it, I won't. This week, for instance, I did Monday night, so when I was really tired last night, I didn't make myself. But I will tonight. I just know better than to set the goal of doing it every day. If I do, great, but if not, tomorrow is another day.

*And it's the longest five minutes imaginable. The first minute is fine, the second is okay, the third is not nice, the fourth and fifth never end, and then I stagger to the couch on jelly-legs and collapse. It takes at least ten minutes to want to walk ever again. I'm in such great shape!

I think it's time to up that! I mean, gracious, I can kind of walk around after biking now, and I'm serious that before, I could barely make it to the couch. So: out of a possible 14 bike sessions a week, my new goal is ten. Just looking at the last seven days, I've done 8, and that doesn't count tonight's*, so I think this is doable. The trick is to not feel put-upon, but gradually sneak it in on myself. If that makes any sense.

*And this with my period, thank you very much, would have been the perfect excuse but I still did well.

I am also going to try six minutes at a time, though I reserve the right to go back to five if six is too much.

And I'm trying to get back onto the Eat Less part, having sickened myself with how quickly those Jelly Bellys vanished, but I'm doing it gradually, very gradually. I'm still grumpy, remember? Hunger won't help that.

One thing that's made me laugh recently: this video*.

*And by the way, do NOT go to the web address on the screen when it starts up. Whew! I haven't closed a window that fast in I don't know how long. I don't know what the connection is between the graphically naked woman and this video, but I think I'd like to stay ignorant, you know. Ouch, my eyes.

The kid's joy, and laugh, are infectious, and I even love how much the dad is loving it. Laugh out loud.



But since I can't listen to it 24/7, it isn't the total cure.

Am I blue? Oh, I wish

I am gray. Dull beige. Sand. Off-white. I want to be blue (sky) and yellow (sunny). But I am not.

(Warning: this post is going to be full of complaining, while I am fully aware that I have very, very little to really complain about in my life. If that sort of things annoys you, I advise you not to read on. I won't blame you a bit, and I hope you come back another day. Pick a sunny one, and you won't even recognize me. Thanks.)

If you've read certain of my posts from last Spring (or pre-Spring), you may remember that waiting for nice weather is not something I'm much good at, by winter's end. Now put that together with the true horribleness of this winter, with its near-constant snow, rain, gray skies, cold, etcetera ad infinitum, and you'll get an idea of where I'm going with this.

I've been feeling blah the last few days. It's that waiting-to-get-sick feeling when you just don't feel quite right, but you're not sick either, but you just know it's coming. Only it isn't really a physical feeling, but an emotional one.

Perhaps I need a light box? Would that help? But then the $300 charge on my credit card wouldn't cheer me up any. (I'm sure you can get cheaper ones; I used that as my example because Miss Conduct linked to it in recommending the light box her husband uses.)

So, despite the supposed-to-be-self-descriptive name of the Eat Less, Exercise More Plan, I am putting the Eat Less part on hold for right now. I am going to continue to exercise, because I don't think that's making anything worse, but right now eating is about all I have*, and I am taking myself off the hook for it.

*I do still have the kitties for fuzz therapy, of course. But snuggling up with Pan can involve noticing how fast his heart is beating, how hard it's working, even when he's relaxed, and that leads to Seriously Unhappy Thoughts. Holding Harold tends to make me wonder how he and I will do without Pan. It's hard to ward those thoughts off, perhaps more so when I am already depressed.

I am not granting myself permission to eat a pint of ice cream a day, but I am going to allow some crap into my diet and not feel guilty about it. For heaven's sake, desperate times call for desperate measures: I looked at the 10-day forecast, and there is one sunny day on it. One! And the highs range from 35 to 47 degrees. The highs! (And then, because I am just that stupid, I looked at the weather in Florida, and almost cried. Jealous much? Glutton for punishment, much? Why did I look?)

This calls for chocolate. (And Peeps.) Mama, your timing is impeccable as always:



I feel better already.

What do I have to do? What? Eat less??

If I had been asked, several months ago, which would be harder for me, controlling food intake or countering indolence, I believe I would have said that they were about equally hard for me. However, it now seems that when you are doing neither, it is easy to delude yourself.

Okay, myself. I have been working on The Plan for two months now, and without a doubt, it is easier for me to make myself exercise than it is to make myself eat less.

Starting the initiative after Christmas and all its temptations, after New Year's Eve partying, I thought it might be a trifle easier. Except that there was Valentine's candy everywhere, and before the candy hearts were gone, the Easter candy was out, and even before I had a single Mini Egg the Girl Scout cookies were in, and what's next?

Actually, I still haven't had a Mini Egg. However, I have had Easter candy. Yes. In fact, tonight I stopped at Walgreen's with a coupon from the Sunday paper of a couple of weeks ago, and a coupon from their circular, for Russell Stover eggs, and scored 6 (one-ounce) eggs for $1.02 (regular price 59 cents each). I couldn't make myself pass it up. (Three caramel, two marshmallow, and daringly, one Marshmallow & Caramel, in case you were wondering.) They're so good! But no wonder my clothing is not getting any looser.

For sadly, it is not. And I have been snacking less, deciding whether it's hunger or something else that's making me reach for food, trying to wait. It sucks. I have a very low tolerance for hunger.

I have been exercising! Even though I still don't like it, not one little bit. I've been walking twice a day at work, 15 minutes each, without missing one for several weeks. I've been upping my intensity, too, walking faster, and am thinking about adding arm weights (surely just carrying the extra weight would burn one or two more calories?). I've been riding the bike, though still only for 5 minutes at a time (I can't do longer; I can hardly walk after that as it is), four times a week, which has to count for something. I keep telling myself. I'm starting to get frustrated.

Not ready to give up. But frustrated.

Back on that wacky health plan

It's called Eat Less, Exercise More. It's a pretty radical plan, but maybe you've heard of it.

It worked before, so I'm fairly certain that it will work again, if I can just locate my willpower (now where did I put that?).

Strangely enough, the harder part for me is not the exercising. More than "none at all" isn't that much exercise, and although I don't enjoy it in any way shape or form*, not at all, I can make myself do it.

*Exception: walking on a beautiful day, especially on the beach

Keeping my hands off the food? Now that's hard. And it really does seem that they need to be done together, for me anyway (YMMV).

I did this a couple of years ago, starting when I was taking part in a study (does calcium-enriched orange juice, in conjunction with a healthy diet and exercise, promote weight loss?), and then for a few more months on my own, and I did lose weight (although, as with most such premises, I credit the healthy diet and exercise, not the calcium-enriched orange juice). In fact, I lost around 25 pounds, which very much pleased me. Who would have thought that the crazy, wacky, out-there plan of eating less and exercising more would actually work? It's so radical! Has it ever been done before? Has anyone studied this?

I have, however, put some of those pounds back on, which I know because the clothes are getting tight around the middle again. (When I gain weight, it congregates at my mid-section.) So, I'm trying to be a good doobie, and getting back in control of myself.

Eat Less is hard. So far, I am not doing the "write down everything I eat" part, though I may if time goes by without much in the way of results. I found that to be a very helpful technique before, but I do think I'm pretty good now about being aware of what I eat, and how much. Willpower and portion control, sigh. I hate feeling hungry. Perhaps if I come up with a theme song to hum when I'm hungry, that would help? Get my mind off it? Preferably something better than, "I'm going to work that flab right off of my tum" (to the tune of "I'm going to wash that man right out of my hair", natch). I am trying to have healthy food choices in the house, and snacks to have at work, but what I really need is to convince myself not to eat the second I feel a hunger pang. Or when I'm bored. Or when something good is there. Or ... you get the picture.

So far, exercise is going better. I set a twofold goal, involving walking on breaks at work and actually (radical idea) using the exercise bike I have at home.

We always used to walk, a group of people in my department, but I got out of the habit last fall (and started gaining weight, hmmm), so I decided to start up again. Thirty minutes a day has to be better than zero, right? If it's too icky out (like yesterday morning, when I could have handled the cold OR the rain OR the inch of slush on the ground, but not all three), then there's a place upstairs that can be used as a makeshift track, so no weather excuses. No, it's not fun, but there we are.

As for the bike, it's a very basic model that someone at my last job was getting rid of, and this very nice guy delivered it to my apartment and carried it up two flights of stairs for me. It weighs a ton, why I don't know, and since I can't stand to use it without the TV on, it has to be in the living room, which is shall we say not a photogenic decorative option. I was looking at it a few weeks ago and thinking how I don't want to give it house-room if I'm not going to use it, and if it comes to using it or getting rid of it, I really ought to use it (see above re clothes getting tighter, and previous whines about money being tight too, thus not buying a whole new wardrobe). (I'm starting to dislike the word "tight" now.)

The goal I set was modest, since I don't want to set myself up to fail. I figured that once I get into the rhythm of it, I can up the numbers, but for now, I will try to do five minutes at a time*, at least three weekdays and once over the weekend. This doesn't mean that if I ride on Saturday, I won't ever ride on Sunday, just that if I can't face it, I won't. This week, for instance, I did Monday night, so when I was really tired last night, I didn't make myself. But I will tonight. I just know better than to set the goal of doing it every day. If I do, great, but if not, tomorrow is another day.

*And it's the longest five minutes imaginable. The first minute is fine, the second is okay, the third is not nice, the fourth and fifth never end, and then I stagger to the couch on jelly-legs and collapse. It takes at least ten minutes to want to walk ever again. I'm in such great shape!

So far, I'm keeping to the goals well. I missed a couple of walks last week, but I've been ten-for-ten more than once. The biking requires a little forethought, particularly on a weekend when I might think of it several times but "will just finish XYZ first", but I'm getting it into my mind that I need to do it, and it's working all right so far.

I wish that I got that mythical endorphin rush when I exercise. I've heard others say that they feel different, worse, if they don't work out, or better after they do, and I've never felt that. Exercising makes me feel tired, and that's about it. If it was just for the sake of my general health, I might never be able to make myself do it. That's so vague, you know? But when it comes to fitting into my clothes, well, that's something I can see.