Friday, January 10, 2014

Too Tired to Come Up with a Good Title

I am not normally a very high-energy person, to put it mildly. You could say lazy, though I'd prefer to call it energy-conserving. It's like I'm on the ground floor of the building, and most other people seem to be on the second or third floors, buzzing about getting things done, while I sit and plot how to do the minimal amount. I don't have a chronic illness, but it's telling that I really identify with the spoon theory: you only have so much, and when it's gone, it's gone, so use it wisely.
Anyway, that's the normal. For the last two-plus weeks, instead of being on the ground floor, I'm in the sub-basement. I'm just So Tired, all the time, even more than usual. On Wednesday afternoon after I blogged, I sat on the couch for an hour or two, watching TV and knitting, and it wore me out so much I had to go take a nap. I'm so sick of this! The other, more conventional symptoms, the congestion, coughing, and runny nose, those are all annoying, too, and today my stomach was pretty rocky (something the doctor said the antibiotics might do, though I bet all the cough drops are making it worse, am I ever sick of cough drops), but the constant, extreme state of tired is madly wearing. I just want some energy! I haven't been on the exercise bike since I got home from Florida--who has the energy for that? When sitting on the couch wears me out? Enough already. I'm sick of being sick and tired of being tired. Or sick of being tired and tired of being sick?
Sitting at work today, trying to concentrate on diagnostic ultrasound was hard when the predominant thought in my head was, "Oh, my god, I'm so tired." I turned to music to try to distract myself, listening to the MP3 player, to overwrite that boring recurrent thought with things like, "We don't care, we're driving Cadillacs in our dreams." And "look into my eyes, it's where my demons hide."

Speaking of work, it turns out that it's "upward feedback" time again. Your responses are completely confidential! Your manager only receives a summary of all responses! The fact that your manager only manages two people is meaningless! Confidential! Be honest!

So, in addition to listing her "strengths" and "improvement opportunities" I get to rate her on a dozen points, as Strongly Agree, Mostly Agree, Mostly Disagree, and Strongly Disagree. I got started today, and so far, she has one Strongly Agree ("My manager gives me the right amount of freedom to do the job myself"). Yeah, this is going to go well. I said something general about the feedback thing to someone who sits nearby, and she said that it's basically impossible to be completely honest on those. And her manager is one who has had no turnover in his group, so he must be doing something right! It's kind of consoling that she thought so, all the same. Do you have to do upward feedback where you work? How does that go for you?

In conclusion, thank all the deities for the weekend.

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