knit read cats hockey: Is Too Much, I Will Sum Up.

Oh! Ahem. Hi, there.

Yes, I went missing here for a couple of days, didn't I? Sorry about that. I mean, it probably doesn't bother you, but I like to keep up to date here, and missing more than a day or two makes me a little twitchy. (What does that say about me? Discuss.)

Nothing major happened over the weekend, other than my feeling a bit under the weather. The on-and-off headache, on-and-off upset stomach, on-and-off sore back ... yeah. And note to self when scheduling over the holidays next year: having your period the week after Christmas is inadvisable. You are going to need the extra energy for holiday recovery. Plan ahead for that.

TMI?

So, I spent a large portion of my glorious three-day weekend lying on the couch, which made Carlos at least very happy. I did get out on Friday with my friends as planned, which was fun while my head held up. Fortunately, I got through the movie without trouble (we saw The King's Speech, and all loved it), but the headache spoiled my enjoyment of dinner afterward, and my friend kindly brought me home early so I could jump right into bed. I've never been a big New Year's Eve party-goer, but in bed at 8:30 may be a new record for me.

Then Sunday, I went to the grocery store, and other than the five years shaved off my life when the car in front of me getting on the highway decided to stop* until the coast was clear, it was a satisfying out-of-the-house experience.

*There are entrance ramps in some places, on some highways, where you are supposed to stop, then merge, but this wasn't one of them. I was convinced I was about to be rear-ended by someone who quite rightly would not expect cars in front of him to be stopped.

Overall, it was the sort of weekend where emptying the dishwasher felt like a decent-sized accomplishment.

Aaaand then yesterday? I had the on-again, off-again headache for most of the day, not too bad, but it ramped up in the late afternoon, changing my plans of going to stitch and bitch to surviving the drive home, which was ... unpleasant, especially there at the end. (I had to wait at the train crossing--of course--and when I'd waited through the flashy-flashing lights and the clang-clang-clang of the actual train and then the barriers didn't go up because, yup, now we have a train going the other way to wait for, well, I was pretty much crying. Three minutes can be a very long time.)

The pain got truly awful, Level 10 misery, but finally it washed out again and left me feeling limp but euphoric. There is simply nothing in the world like feeling fine, after wishing for death (not literally, in the sense that I could never Do Anything to bring it on ... but with my worst headaches has come a sad understanding of why people might be driven to it. You get to the point where anything that stops the pain seems good.).

Anyway ... you can see why I didn't have the computer on last night. Though I did get to watch the Bruins win one for me, which was nice of them. (I kind-of-listened to the first period on the radio, in bed, and was feeling well enough for TV by the second period.)

In other news, I am now the world's most paranoid driver. After 25+ years of driving (which is mind-boggling, but that's another topic) without a ticket, I've now gotten two within three weeks. WTH?

This has left me feeling an odd mix of stupid and confused. What am I doing differently? Am I more careless? Why me? Is it just bad luck? Is it going to keep happening?

Both were when I was driving somewhere I don't usually go (Providence and Lowell). Should I stop doing that? (Kidding ... kind of.)

I already didn't like driving in cities. Now I'm completely paranoid about it. (Is it paranoia, or are they out to get me?)

The first was for failure to stop at a stop sign, and I will admit that I did not fully stop. I was following a friend, on unfamiliar streets, and didn't want to lose her. Bad luck to get caught, sure, but I did it and have to pay the price ($85, to be exact).

The second, though, is bothering me. I'm on a city street, two lanes each way, with traffic light after traffic light. The light turns green, the cars ahead of me move, I move, and then the vehicle in front of me stops, leaving me in the intersection. He doesn't move, the light turns red, and I'm stuck. (To the tune of $150 this time.)

The cop said that I shouldn't have gone into the intersection until I knew I could get through it, and of course I know what he means. It annoys me when cars gridlock an intersection that they can see isn't moving. In this case, though, when I went into the intersection the light was green, and the traffic ahead of me was moving, and because the vehicle in front of me was a big SUV, I couldn't see around or past it to tell that the traffic was backed up and about to stop. With a green light and the cars all moving, who assumes they'll have to stop? (The car behind me had to back up to get out of the intersection when the light changed. That's not wrong?) I just don't feel that my guilt is as clear-cut in this one.

Sigh. Both cops told me that if my record is clean (which didn't they just spend ten minutes in the patrol car checking?), I can go to court and appeal the ticket, and would most likely get it removed. But the amount of money I would lose by missing work (if I'm still working) is more that the cost of the ticket (especially to go to Providence). Plus, after the first ticket, I suppose my record isn't considered clean any more. Assuming RI told MA, which I think I have to assume they did, or will.

The Mass cop didn't have me sign the ticket. I wonder if that invalidates it? Wishful thinking.

Sigh. I have the money. This just isn't what I want to spend it on. But I guess I should be glad I have it. And hope my insurance isn't about to skyrocket.

Still, if you're driving around here and see someone doing one mile per hour below the speed limit, stopping at lights that look like they might be about to turn yellow, that would be me. And I must say, doing 55 on route 3, while being passed by cars going 65-80, feels kind of surreal. And not a little dangerous.

What else, what else? Well, to no one's surprise including my own, I re-gained a few pounds over the holiday season. And by "a few" I mean four. Which isn't that much, but I want to lose them again at once, since my work slacks are a little snug now.

So once more, I transition off the Eating Everything I See and Want Eating Plan, and return to the decidedly less fun Put It Down, Being Hungry for Five Minutes Will Not Kill You Eating Plan. (Though that little box of See's chocolates that I got for Christmas is not going in the trash, no sir. Baby steps. Mmm.)

And since, not at all coincidentally I'm sure, my right knee is suddenly and startlingly painful when climbing stairs, there is some exercise in my future as well. Sigh. It was a little ouchy recently, but carrying groceries upstairs Sunday had me gasping. Time for the exercise bike to return to its primary function (and what do I do with the clothes currently draped on it, eh?). Walking outside is unlikely to appeal to me for a few months (avowed weather-wimp here), but the bike may as well earn its real estate in my living room.

Which puts me squarely in cliched resolution-land, doesn't it? I've read a lot of blogs in the last week that were doing a year-end summary, an assessment of resolutions kept in 2010, or an announcement of aspirations for 2011. Some were more interesting to me and some were less, but in any event they got me thinking. One of the "things" going around the blogs is choosing a word to use as a sort of talisman or touchstone, and while this doesn't quite click for me, there are a few phrases that have resonated with me, that I want to keep in mind:

There is seldom just one right answer. Too many options can paralyze me, and I have to remind myself, there is not one right answer and infinity-minus-one wrong answers.
If that's the worst thing that happens today, it will have been a good day. I tend to get easily annoyed (oh, hush) by stupid little things, and I have to remind myself, not the end of the world.
I very rarely read my horoscope, but on Saturday for some reason I looked at it when I read the paper. It started out okay, but the end hit me:
Throw procrastination out the door. Start the year off fresh by getting all the odds and ends tied up. Wipe your slate clean so you can focus on the exciting future goals you set. Not everyone will be happy with your choices but it's you who must find peace of mind.
Well, wow. Okay, then. I have been trying this year (by which I mean last year, 2010 as was) to listen to myself and my needs, to do what I need to do for myself without worrying about what it looks like or sounds like to others. If I need to turn down a party invitation, or don't answer the phone because I have a cat on my lap, I don't have to get my decisions validated by others.

Did you make it through all that? Wow, go, you! As a reward, here are some random pictures. Since I don't drink hardly at all, I don't regularly go into liquor stores. Which means when I do, I have fun with the wine bottles and their labels: