Cat Conundrum, Feline Frustration

I can't decide what to do about the cat situation here.

I don't know what I want to do. Or, rather, I want to do different things at different times, but I can't seem to make up my mind.

Option 1: status quo. Keep Miri, don't get another cat. This is default, but currently unsatisfying most of the time. For both of us, probably.

Option 2: find another home for Miri. She's so lonely, but I don't fill the void of Harold's loss for her. (Or vice versa.) Emotionally hard to face, it feels like giving up. Also logistically, how or where? The animal-rescue world is currently overwhelmed with animals given up by people in trouble financially. She's a great companion cat, I give her full credit for making Harold's last year happier than it would have been without her, but finding someone who needs that, where would I start? (I touched base with the people I got her from, but instead of saying sure, they knew just the situation for her, they suggested really helpful things like I should spend time with her, play with her, be patient. Yeah, thanks, it never occurred to me to spend time with her. I should play with her? Really? I thought ignoring her was the way to go. Sheesh.)

Option 3: get another cat, one who would be company for Miri and comfort for me. Mostly I don't feel ready for another cat, though sometimes I'm really ready to live with a cat who likes me again. Miri tolerates me because there's no one else. I can't say she likes me much. And after 10-11 years with cuddly, snuggly, loving cats, this one gets on my nerves in no short order. Instead of comforting me for Harold's loss, she constantly reminds me that I don't have that any more.

There are, as I've always known, pros and cons to pet ownership. It's a package deal. Ideally, you get:

• snuggles
• warm laps
• cuddles in bed
• purrs
  

And you pay:

• litter boxes
• the smell of cat food
• the cost of litter, food, vet bills
• nagging
• grief if you're out late
• no trips without planning ahead, and more costs
  

It's a package. And it's worth it! But now, the only plus that Miri gives freely is purring. She's always had a good, loud purr. But she likes to be skritched on the cheeks only, isn't really pleased to be petted, doesn't like having her paws touched, won't be picked up, won't sit on the lap, flinches from my every move, yet nags for me to sit on the couch with her, skritch her cheeks, then bites* if I do something "wrong". All the minus signs are there, and barely any plus. It's maddening.

*Lightly, as a warning only, but still.

And honestly, if Miri's personality is only going to remind me of Harold's (and Pan's), why not try to fill that hole with something more like I want, which will also please Miri? I really think she wants another cat, and is finding me a poor substitute.

Some days, I'm ready to get another cat. I look at Petfinder, which is heart-rending*, find a guy who looks promising, look at the application ... then chicken out. Am I ready? Will I ever be? Or is this not a I'll-know-when-I'm-ready situation?

*So many cats looking for homes! And honestly, the one whose owners were divorcing and neither would let the other have the cat so they gave him up? They should be severely punished. What a terrible thing to do to an animal.

Now look at this guy:

Love those paws!

May be it's time to stop talking, and try looking.