The First Post-Layoff Update

I tried to file my claim for unemployment insurance today, but it turns out that they have so many requests, they're assigning days of the week based on your SSN, and my day is Thursday (otherwise known as the day I'm going away for the weekend). Or I can call Friday, which is open calling (I suppose I could call from Florida). Urgh. One can also walk in to a career center to open a claim, but they can have limited hours/days for so doing. The closest one to me sets two days a week, and yup, it's Thursday and Friday. Perfect. If they're so busy, maybe they're hiring.

Probably not a proofreader, though. And if they were, it's probably in Boston, which if you were reading here in 2010 you will remember I hope very very strongly to avoid doing. So, no steps forward on that front.

I have started to update my resume, which I had not done since getting this last job (all of eight months ago, sigh). Revisiting my resume is getting painful; in the nine years since I moved back to MA, I've had six jobs, and been laid off from three of them. One I left by choice, and that led to two temp positions. I look like a job skipper, and by choice I swear I'm not! But fate has been against me.

But I'm getting ahead of the story, aren't I? Not that there's much to tell, but I can tell what there is. I was working Friday afternoon, hoping I wouldn't have to stay too late on my last Friday-is-always-my-late-night coverage night before the new schedule kicked in*, when the phone rang. It was the woman from HR, asking how late I would be there (?), and then when I said 5 but it might be later, she asked if I could step down to her office for a minute. I kind of shrugged and said sure. I didn't figure it was good news, but couldn't think of anything I might be in trouble for that would involve HR. Still, it was a called-to-the-principal's-office feeling. And that was before I got there and found one of the company bigwigs was there, too.

*And yes, I'm a little bitter about all the time spent revising that schedule, and entering it in the calendar, which was totally wasted. I know, not the biggest problem, but still.

Why? Well, you may recall that they laid off a few people in October; to quote myself, with irony-in-hindsight:

I hate the idea of someone having a job in the morning and not having one at lunchtime.

And apparently business still isn't rebounding the way they hoped it would, they are eliminating the position, it's nothing personal, blah blah blah. Go clean out your desk, oh and your computer will be locked so you can't get back in. Nothing personal.

Of course it is personal. I mean, not like they're saying "we have to let someone go so we chose you because you suck" personal, but one of the other editors started about six weeks after I did, so technically she's last hired and should be first fired, except they didn't. So that is personal. And while I don't think the layoff itself is something my boss planned or wanted to do (she wouldn't have approved a time-off request from me on Thursday, otherwise), I imagine she did have to choose who, and she chose me.

And it hurts my feelings, sure. But let's be honest: I didn't like the job. I was trying hard, giving it my best shot, being grateful to have a job at all, etcetera. It was better in many ways than where I had been, the people were nice, but the work itself, the pace and the juggling and all the it-depends and you-remember did not suit me. At least I didn't get booted out of my dream job; that would be worse.

The long term is scary, but the short term is actually pretty good. Not having to go to work? Beyond the whole pesky paying-the-bills thing, it's a dream come true. True story: someone in the department was out on vacation last week, with no travel plans, and I was thinking wistfully how nice that sounded. How long has it been since I did that?* Sit around reading, and knitting, and not have to set the alarm? How perfect is that? Job search sucks, starting a new job (should I be so lucky) sucks, but short term, ahhh. I could use some do-nothing time. When I will be trying not to worry about the long term. This week, anyway.

*Almost two years, actually. After I left the not-proofreading job in 2010, and before I started the temp job in Boston, I was home for two blissful weeks.

I tried to fit the migraine into my "almost feeling lucky" mentality, since I didn't have to worry about losing all my precious weekend, or not going in to work today, but honestly? Stress is a major migraine trigger for me. Without the layoff, I probably wouldn't have had this migraine in the first place. So never mind that.

My head is finally feeling somewhat better today, but my stomach is not yet fully back to normal (and I still think there should be a law against feeling nauseous and hungry at the same time). After the way I felt last night (rock bottom), I'm grateful for the improvement, but only kind of. This one lasted a long time. Yuck. Carlos has been very patient with my up, down, couch, bed, and up again progressions. You're right, he's going to love having me at home so much.

So that's where I am. Thank you all for the sympathy and good wishes. I hope this will turn out to have been a good thing, in the end. I still hope for that great job, that suits-me job, where I don't dread going in, where I can work contentedly for years. I just have to find it.