Note: I generally try to be entertaining in what I write here, or at least in how I write it, but sometimes life gets in the way. This is one of those.
I wish that when one aspect of my life was out of my control, my instinctive response was to control something I can. Sounds reasonable, right? So that when (just for example) my father is not well, I would eat healthily and take care of myself without much difficulty or effort.
Just for example.
Instead, I learn the full meaning and nuance of the expression "comfort food" (or even "comfort drink" if you count the caramel frap' at Starbucks).
My stomach feels leaden. Is it the emotion, the worry, or is it the junk food? I am eating meals, honestly, but meals plus ice cream plus pretzels plus whatever else is around. When they talk about balanced meals, I am not the poster child right now.
I see the world as though through a filter. Nothing outside of this seems at all important, and it's hazy, unreal. I occupy myself with minutia and suddenly realize that I'm sitting still, staring into space, mind wandering down dark passages I don't want to see.
He's okay for right now. He's out of the hospital. But they don't know exactly what's going on, and it's very worrisome right now. Last week, going down in February seemed pretty soon, but now it's so long to wait.
Can we all cross fingers now?
I mostly knit, sometimes crochet or cross-stitch. I read, a lot. I love cats. I love hockey, especially my no-longer-local team, the Boston Bruins. Want more? Read on.
Good thoughts to you. I know it's really, really hard. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
ReplyDeleteI have the opposite problem. I don't eat when I'm anxious or unhappy or stressed, so that as it became clear we were on "any day now" status with my mother, my husband would come home from work and gently ask if I'd eaten anything that day.
Take care of yourself in the best way you know how, and let others take care of you, too. Hugs.
I'll be sending wishes and prayer snippets your way. Worrying over a loved one is not something I enjoy either. Just do the best you can nutritionally and pop a multi-vitamin and an apple every day, ok?
ReplyDeleteHere's a hug for now and another for later. Perry P just licked your nose too.
oh bless your heart. that is so scary. sending lots of hugs and pats and good thoughts your way and your father's way.
ReplyDelete