I realized today, I don't think it's a coincidence that I've had a headache on and off for days now. Or that I'm really, really on edge recently.* I'm totally trying not to think about taking Pan to the vet on Friday for the bloodwork that should determine why he's lost so much weight over the last year, and I'm kind of successful in not thinking about it, but there are the headaches and there's the fact that my back is so tensed up, my shoulders are somewhere near my ears most of the time.
*One of my coworkers was getting text-messaged by her daughter this afternoon, and by about the fifth one (beep-beep! beep-beep!), I wanted to take the phone away from her and smash it against a wall. Tense, me?
At this stage, I'm slightly more worried about the logistics of Friday, and the aftermath of the sedation, than about the results of the test. One thing at a time, you know? There's only so much panicking I can handle. But then I'll pick Harold up right after putting Pan down, and he weighs so much more, and they always used to weigh the same, almost to the ounce, all their lives, and I could cry.
Well, almost all their lives. Harold was a runt, he weighed something like 3 pounds to Pan's 5 when I got them. But he caught up quickly, and ever since, they were right about the same weight. It was kind of funny, because they aren't really built the same way, Harold is longer and Pan is more compact, so they don't look like they'd be the exact same weight. But every year, there they'd be at the vet, just about the same. I would ask the techs if they were sure they cleared the scale between weighing the two cats? And they'd say yes.
And now, no. And it's a really visible, in-my-face reminder of the problem. And I try not to think about it, and have ice cream for dinner (not every night, or that would explain the headaches by itself), and just try to get through. And I try to be grateful that Pan doesn't know he has this trial coming, though sometimes that makes me want to cry, too.
He's having some serious trouble getting comfortable between me and the keyboard, here. Baby needs a proper lap, so I have to go now.
I mostly knit, sometimes crochet or cross-stitch. I read, a lot. I love cats. I love hockey, especially my no-longer-local team, the Boston Bruins. Want more? Read on.
My heart goes out to you. We've had cats the last 30 years and I've always been the one to go on the vet visits, including the final vet visit. There's nothing to say to give you comfort when you're scared like this. Please accept a hug and know I've got tears in my eyes for your worry and pain. I'll think of you tomorrow.
ReplyDeleteWell, if it turns out out be hyperthyroidism, which is what it was with my (elderly) cat when her weight plummeted, there is no reason to panic. Several years after the diagnosis Baggie is very thin but has good quality of life, even at 18 years old. Even as a VERY old cat she is managing the disease with meds and doing fine...
ReplyDeleteJennnifer
Yes, it could be caused by that, or by his existing heart condition, or by something else (hopefully treatable).
ReplyDeleteThe problem is, having no reason to panic doesn't quite keep me from panicking: reason isn't part of the equation! Just as figuring out why I was headachy and tense isn't helping me relax. Time is the only answer, I think. But thank you for caring!
I am so sorry for what you and your kitties are going through. Please know you're in my thoughts. I hope everything turns out well.
ReplyDeleteccr - this is late 'cause of a dratted cold and such, but I've been earnestly sending good vibes for Pan and you all week, and especially today. Not much help beforehand, commenting now when everything's probably winding down, but I just have to hope it got to you anyhow. I know exactly how it is, not being able to stop panicking. All you can do is hang on. Hope you're hearing not-so-scary news today. Let us know when you can! ::hugs::
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