Without Him

I know you'll understand that I'm not up to managing coherence at the moment. So here are some random thoughts.

• I haven't not had a cat in my home since 1999. 
• And even then, that was when I was sharing a house with a friend, so I didn't live alone. The only time I have lived alone without a cat was the few months after I moved to North Carolina, before my parents brought Honey down to me.
• Every single time I stand up, or move around, I look around my feet to make sure I'm not stepping on the cat. This is going to take a long time to stop doing.
• And so far, I've only come in from outside the once, but that too is going to suck for a very long time.
• Also, I'm used to hearing small noises (or thinking I see motion out of the corner of my eye) and attributing them to the cat. Particularly when I've spent the last week or so on alert, going, "Was that him? Is he eating something?" Today was very loudly windy, the kind of day that makes the walls creak, and I kept having that moment of oh-shit.
• This is the third of my cats who has died in November. In fact, Carlos and Harold both died on November 16.
• So, first, fuck you, November. What did I ever do to you? Other than complain about you getting colder and darker, which is just FACT, I have done nothing to you. Why do you hate me?
• And second, when I next get a cat, how freaked out will I be during November every year? Very freaked out.
• And yes, I will get another cat, but not soon. After I move to Florida, I imagine.
• While I may be in better shape to focus a week from now, I decided it probably wasn't a good idea to test out the "is it good social knitting if I try harder" pattern as my knitting project backup over Thanksgiving. What I really want is just to make this shawl, Mioget, so I decided that if I finish it, and don't want to rip it out to make it bigger, I'll cast on another one. So there.
• This is called a knitting jag. To quote the Yarn Harlot, "It's exactly like the two year old who will only eat peas and scrambled eggs for a week."
• I did some poking around the stash, and I have two skeins of Socks That Rock Lightweight that go together pretty well, so I will wind them, and bring them and an appropriately sized needle with me, and feel good about that safety net.