Things I want

I want a bunch of things. Lately, it seems like "I want ..." (something I'm not going to get/do/have, at least right now) has crossed my mind a lot. Perhaps if I get them out, it will clear my head a bit.

I want cookies. And a donut. And ice cream. But, I want to lose a couple of pounds in order to fit my clothing better. (I can appreciate Health at Every Size, I try to live it, but the truth is, I can't afford a new wardrobe right now. I'd rather pay the mortgage. And my clothing fit better before a few pounds found me again. When my clothing fits well, I feel better about myself. On the other hand, when I eat cookies, I feel pretty darned happy, too. Conflict, anyone?)

I want pizza, or Chick Fil A, or Chinese food. Or I want someone else to provide delicious food to me. Anyone want to make some chicken salad for me? Tuna salad? Pasta salad? And why do all my hot-weather cold-food options fall into the "is there enough mayo in this?" category? Other than sandwiches, what do you eat in summer?

I want raspberries, cherries, fresh peas, corn on the cob. Why do they have to be, generally, more expensive than Ding Dongs?

I want to get fewer migraines. Lately, I've had more than since I settled on medication last year. Not horrible ones, for the most part, but enough to make me really appreciate the improvement I had been experiencing.

Out of Balance
When I was feeling this unsettled-ness after returning from my trip last month, I put it down to just that: returning from the trip. It was a big trip, it was a lot in a short amount of time, there was jet lag, of course I would have to wriggle back into everyday life.

But I still feel somewhat that way. My last job in North Carolina involved math (what was I thinking?), and although we weren't handling cash, we had to "balance" our drawers at the end of the day. This involved adding machines and checks and computers (shudder). If any of us was out of balance, and couldn't find the problem, we would call on our supervisor, the lovely Ann, to help. "Who's oh-oh-bee?" she would ask. To this day, I think of that when balancing my checkbook, or when like now my life is feeling a little unsettled. Am I in balance, or oh-oh-bee?

There is one behavior modification that I'm going to try, to see if it's part of the equation. Before my trip, I was in a groove about exercising in my little way, riding the bike once or twice just about every day, plus walking twice daily on work breaks. I totally have fallen off the bike, metaphorically speaking, and I wonder if, even though I don't like doing it, it was helping? In the month since I got home, I've been on the thing all of once, so back I go.

I'm letting you know so that I can stop making excuses to myself. "The blog knows I plan to bike," I will have to tell myself. "I'd better do it before someone asks how it's going."

The walking at work is weather permitting, though I can walk inside if it's too hot. So, I will.

If it helps, I will be ... what's the right word? Surprised? Impressed? Startled, perhaps. It would be the first good and direct connection between exercising and how I feel that I've ever noticed. I know that exercising is good for me, but it's always been in a "not that I'd notice" way. Has that changed? We shall see.