Soliciting Pats on the Head

Part of me hesitates to complain (MORE) about work, because, well, who wants to hear it, or maybe people will want to solve the problem and might give advice that hurts my feelings* (because I am a delicate flower). Plus it is super-hard to express how I am feeling so that I get my point across clearly. Particularly when I sometimes lose sight of the point myself in all the wah.

*For instance, I am well aware that many, many people in the world have much, much bigger problems than I do. Being reminded that my burden is smaller than many does not, surprisingly, make me feel any better. A forced sense of perspective does not shame me into real happiness.

I had to laugh a little reading Amalah today and seeing myself in the mirror:

I kind of get bugged by "fixers." You know the type. You tell them your problems and they immediately pepper you with helpful, practical suggestions, and you're like: Wait. Did I make it sound like I was done wallowing? Because I'm pretty sure I'm not done wallowing. So could you please dial it back to sympathetic head pats and save your to-do list of Actionable Items To Better My Own Situation for later?

Emphasis is mine because Amen. I love it when people actually solve my problems, but that's easier done with small, concrete problems than with big, messy, emotional ones.

There was also this from Miss Conduct, in her chat today. The question was:

I’m dealing with the terminal illness of a family member. I find myself annoyed at casual friends who constantly ask for an updated; yet even MORE annoyed by close friends who say / do nothing. Your best advice for the right way to handle?

Miss Conduct's answer was, as so often, simple but wise:

Decide what kind of support you want and ask for it. ("I just hate to be asked. If there is news I'll tell you" or "I really need you to buy me something chocolate and listen to me whine for 20 minutes.") You're being unfair to your friends by expecting them to guess your needs.

(And if I quote that, I suppose it's only fair to tell you, beloved reader, what I want here. I kind of feel like with this situation right now, survival is my goal, with the hope of future improvement. So, if you feel like commenting along the encouraging lines of 'yes, it will get better!' with the occasional 'poor baby,' jump right in. Not really looking for even the most well-meaning and likely quite right advice on how to feel better about the situation. Misery loves sympathy. Thanks ever so.)

I will just say that it is perhaps a good thing that I didn't know, three months ago, how I would feel about this job three months later. Sweet, innocent little me with my new-job jitters! Little did I know.

I'm not giving up on it, not yet. I'll give it through the end of the year to get better. But oh, how I hate saying that, having to decide that. How I hate the way I feel about this job right now. The people are nice, most of most days things are fine, but just about every day there's something that makes me miserable.

Also, this is the sixth new job I have started since I moved back to Massachusetts in January 2003. Layoffs didn't help, but that's just way too many first days.

To end on a less depressed note, here are a few random pictures.

My favorite picture-on-the-wall where we stayed in Maine.

Who could stay sad looking at this?