Disclaimer to the disclaimer: On the other hand, I wrote some of this last week. So it's not all dismissible as "having a bad day".
I am not someone who expects every minute of the day at work to be joyful and fulfilling, but there have been more than a few moments lately where I feel serious concern that I am never going to not hate this.
There are projects due every day. Maybe five, maybe twenty. The pressure is different from everywhere else I've ever worked: stronger, more constant. There have been a few quiet days, but more often it's busy-busy-busy, enough that I hate to interrupt people except I always have questions. I've been there two months, and I'm used to picking things up pretty quickly, but there's still almost nothing I can get through without asking questions.
It depends ... it varies ... if it's that project type ... if it's this client ... if, if, ifI don't have terribly high expectations, I don't think; I don't expect to drive off eagerly in the morning, to anticipate Monday morning happily. But I would like to get through the day without wishing at any point that I could go home and curl up in a ball, sucking my thumb.
Just about every day at work, I'm hearing Gary Larson's angels (remember that? it was a long time ago). I know it will get better, I tell myself it will get better, but the knowing and the telling just doesn't make the waiting any much easier. After all, if we figure I should be more comfortable once I've been there for 6 months, we're talking about Thanksgiving, and given the (wonderful, much enjoyed) 90 degrees outside, Thanksgiving feels very far away.
Sometimes things just suck. All you can do is hold on and try to remain standing against the force of the storm. Tomorrow, it will be better. One of these days, that will be true.
Aw, that sucks. Like you said, the job is still new. . . and the weather is awful and making everybody feel bad. (Remember all my job-questioning?) Hang in there. :)
ReplyDeleteYou've not yet been there two full months, correct? It's just the learning curve, CCR, just the learning curve. The subtleties of each project makes them more interesting, while the multiple deadlines and attendant pressure will make the day go by quickly.
ReplyDeleteYou're used to being on top of everything so Gary's angels are probably singing "You hate this curve, you hate this curve."
Hang in there. You are super smart and a perfectionist and not used to asking questions to do your work. You also like working independently. You will learn it all and I know you know it takes a while to adjust to a new job.
ReplyDeleteIn the spirit of my yoga classes may I gently suggest that being outside one's comfort zone isn't easy but can be a good thing. Maybe if you began looking at the new work environment less as a departure from your preferred work style and more as a chance to strengthen new skills and learn some new approaches - in other words stop fighting it and try to learn from it -- it won't feel so bad. Not sure about that, just a theory of mine. My job requires me to step outside of my comfort zone pretty much every day and in an odd way it's been like therapy for me and forces me to interact with the world in a new way. It's been a good thing for me.
In any case, good luck and hang in there with the transition. Change is hard but it defines our lives. Maybe we need to look at it as a natural thing, not a force that disturbs. I am working on this myself.
Oh my. I hope that when you've been there longer and can get a better feel for your job that Gary Larsen's angels will no longer be singing to you.
ReplyDeleteHang in there! You're allowed to have crappy days, you're allowed to wallow if you want, but some day it will get better.
ReplyDeleteI'm just catching up on my blogs today, but I wanted to say that I've been there and I completely understand the frustration, and how having a difficult time at your job makes the rest of your life difficult as well.
ReplyDeleteThe best advice I can give is to accept that you're the new person and can't possibly know everything, and that the people you work with know that too. As soon as I allow myself to be the newbie with lots of questions, the more confident I feel with interrupting people and asking them. I also figure that if they ever want me to become self-sufficient then it's in their best interests to invest that time in me.
But most of all, I feel your pain. Buck up! Most things get better with time.