A Bad Start, but a Great Day

This morning, I was very cranky. At work, we're on an accelerated pace to get things done by the end of the year, which was just annoying me in the report I had, and then (guess what) I'm still not feeling 100%, and this congestion'n'exhaustion is just too much in the third week. Then, as I was emptying the dishwasher (while waiting for coffee brewing), I broke a bowl that I got in Hawaii and really like, and (though I think I'll be able to glue the pieces back on and still use it [though not for food]) I just wanted to cry.

But then, I got back to my computer after lunch and there was a message from my boss to the editors, calling for a quick meeting and asking me to call in. I didn't think much of it, just called in, and guess what?

She's leaving. She found another job.

She's leaving!

Suddenly, what a nice day it was.

I talked to the head guy this afternoon, the one who (re-)hired me; he wanted to check in with me that it isn't a position I want, which heaven knows it is not (as I had expressed to him in the past). Managing people, hiring, firing, dealing with problems, no thank you. It was nice of him to check back with me, but it could pay double my salary and I still don't want it. We'll see if the next guy along wants it, but not me.

She's leaving! I won't have to deal with her anymore! Well, after some time in January.

It certainly put a rosy glow on the afternoon, and even better, I got a message from a friend this afternoon that she got a new job she was very excited for, so I'm happy for her, and looking forward to hearing the details.

After work, I went out and finished off all my remaining errands before Christmas--not all Christmas shopping, but things like picking up a prescription, getting cat food, all very exciting (not) but very necessary and so good to cross them all off the list! I even, after I got home, finished the toe of the sock that I finished knitting before my haircut yesterday, so that's all set (I already started the next one for traveling, but it satisfies me to finish this before I leave).

Now I can focus on packing; I have tomorrow night, Friday night (though I will be seeing a friend that night, too), and Saturday up until the late afternoon, when I'm heading into Boston to join friends and go to a college hockey game, of all things. It should be good fun.

And then, Sunday morning? Head to the airport, and travel warm-ward. Ahh.

A very good day, indeed.

Belated Thlurp

I tried to do a quick blog post last night from the couch (being kind of wiped out), and the photo I wanted to share just wouldn't work with Blogger on the tablet--it had that problem recently and I thought I was doing something wrong, but apparently it has its knickers in a twist about something, Blogger on the tablet does, I mean (since I can put pictures from the tablet onto Facebook, I assume it isn't the pictures causing the problem). Anyway, I am also tired tonight (having had a haircut and then gone to the swim class), but I was on the computer for something else, so here you go.

You're welcome.

One Thing

Seeing as I was still super-tired today, I have spent the day looking only at the next thing to do; otherwise, all I want and need to do would overwhelm me and my limited energy. All day, with frequent breaks, I have asked myself what the next thing I would do should be.

All right, sort out the week's vitamins; that's one thing. Cut my nails, that's one thing. Photograph some knitting: that's one thing.

Pay the bills, clean the kitchen, whatever: one thing at a time.

The knitting, by the way, included something I made for Grandma; since she loves Herman the tarantula, I thought he could use a Santa hat. Here is Carlos, the reluctant model:

Since I don't expect it will stay on Herman, I added some strings, so it can be tied on.

I hope my aunt can get a picture of it on the recipient, but as long as Grandma likes it, that's what matters.

This time next week, I'll be in Florida. This week will go better if I could get some energy to prepare for the trip! I mean, my normal energy levels are not that high, but they look high lately. Oh please.

The Exhaustion Chronicles

I can remember looking at the calendar earlier this fall and thinking that yikes, there were only three weeks between Thanksgiving and when I would be leaving for Christmas, that's going to be tight to get things done.

And now I've been sick for two of those three weeks.

At this point the congestion, the last real symptom, isn't that annoying. I could do without it, sure, but it doesn't drive me to tears. This incredible exhaustion, though, is driving me crazy, or would be if I had the energy to get all the way to crazy. It's actually more like weepy despair. I'm doing virtually nothing, and yet I am so, so, so tired. How do I deal with that?

Basically, by doing one thing, and then another, and another, and stopping to rest a lot. A lot. I have done a little knitting, and more reading, since these are things I can do on the couch, without too much exertion (if properly chosen). I went to a holiday party tonight and only stayed an hour, as I could feel myself fading. Even though my big exertion of the day was going to the library.

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better... I keep saying that, but one of these days it has to happen.

Made It to Friday

I can't tell you how pissed I was to be exhausted again/still this morning. I was in bed at 7:30 last night! I slept most of the following 11 hours! I should feel, at the very least, decent, if not pretty damned good, after that. This fucking cold, on day 13, can really bite me.

Of course, reading on Humans of New York about the refugee who is coming to Michigan, and his brother-in-law there tells him "there is heating in the houses and the water is warm when you shower" is salutary reading. Bitching about a cold is definitely a first world problem, I know.

On the other hand, at least I am not like the driver of a car I was driving behind recently, who chose to put "H8U" on the plate. Really? You hate everyone? Well, you have my sympathies: that's an awful way to live.

I mean, can you think of another reason to chose that message?

A Small Step Back

I felt extra-tired today since the alarm went off, and because I'm also still a little congested, I think it's safe to attribute that to the lingering bits of The Cold That Never Ends (12 days after the first symptom, it seems the right name for it). I'm sure that everything I was doing the last couple of nights contributed, but I'll go to bed early tonight, and hope that helps. Whether it does or not, tomorrow is Friday. Ahh.

Tuesday night I was determined to go to the swim class, even if I didn't last through the whole hour. Not that I'm excited to exercise, exactly, but if I'm going to pay for this, I am going to get into the habit, damn it. I also really needed some groceries, having been sick so long, and since the grocery store with my bank in it was on the way to the gym, and I also needed to go to the bank (a check to deposit, plus needing quarters for laundry), I decided to suck it up and do both, even though I knew it was a lot to do when I was getting over the cold.

I did the banking and got some food, so that was good: more soup! On a side note, an example of how long I've been sick is that I've opened so many cans of soup that as of Tuesday, Carlos has given up on coming to check on me when I do. Previously, he has been convinced that All Cans Hold Tuna, always comes running to get his tuna water, and is always disappointed when that is not the case. Tuesday and today, he didn't even get off the bed.

Anyway, I went from the store to the gym, arriving about half an hour before the class, so I got in the pool and sort of moved around, not swimming laps but generally moving, anyway. I then made it through half the class before deciding that I'd better head for home. Man, was I tired when I got there! But a good night's sleep and I didn't feel worse on Wednesday--better, in fact, since the nagging headache of Mon-Tues was gone.

The company had its holiday dinner last night, which lasted from about 4 to 7. It was at a new-to-the-area restaurant near the office, and was actually quite nice. Although there were a few typos on the menu they made out for us! I was next to one of the other editors, and of course we noticed. As I said, it was possible that "houemade croutons" were a thing that I just hadn't heard of, but more likely they meant housemade, right? And in the dessert list, we discussed what the "Cannoli's" might possess, without coming to a conclusion. Good fun. It would have been nice to be able to talk to more people, but we were at one long table and it wasn't a moving-around kind of setup. Still, not bad. At least I wasn't near my boss.

When I left, I had enough psychic energy left to drop in at my alternate knitting group for an hour of secret Christmas knitting, before heading home to cautiously turn on the Bruins game (they were in Montreal, which gives a Bruins fan a bad feeling in recent years). It was a 1-0 Montreal lead in the second period, and I kept it on while settling in, talking to the baby, and so on. Rask was playing a really good game, but it wasn't until the third period that his teammates caught up to him. They actually ended up winning 3-1, much to my surprise, and it was an exciting enough finish that there was no way I was going to bed early and miss any.

So I didn't get enough sleep, and paid for it today; still, I can't regret my choices, as it was such a good evening overall. And I got some good cuddle time with his lordship, too. He felt that my being out of the house for around five hours required some consolation. I'm afraid he isn't going to enjoy my being away for a week! I get back Saturday night, JetBlue willing, and will make no plans for Sunday beyond my couch.

For his sake.

Better, and Busy

I don't want you to think I've relapsed, it's just been a busy couple of days. I'm not 100% over the cold, but at least I am getting better, and the headache I had Monday and Tuesday was gone today. Yay!

And more than that I don't have tonight. Be well, y'all.

Not Well, but Better. Although...

I said last night, in the spirit of positive thinking, that I would feel perceptibly better today, and in fact, I did. Not great, but better. Even did a load of laundry! Went to the chiropractor, and to stitch and bitch! Woo!

However. I would like a word with whoever is in charge, since giving me even a moderate migraine today seems uncalled for. I know life isn't "fair," but come on.

So. Day Eight.

Yes, I do still feel like crap, thanks for asking. This day has lasted forever, and it's only 6. And I slept until almost 9. But when you just keep asking yourself why you feel so bad, again and again and again, time crawls.

This is ridiculous. Congested, sinus pressure, and so, so, SO tired. Like, sitting up on the couch takes tremendous effort. But since Wednesday, it hasn't been a napping kind of illness, so if I lie down, my body feels relieved but it gets boring as all hell very quickly. I've been doing a lot of reading, since I can mostly manage to hold a book up, and reading helps me forget how lousy I feel. And how I am getting nothing done. Forget Christmas prep things: I'm almost out of clean underwear, so I'll have to do laundry soon, but so far, 12 flights of stairs hasn't been something I felt like trying.

Whine, whine, whine...

Much the Same

I don't feel worse than I did yesterday, but I can't really say I feel better, which is unfortunate. Still, I got through the day, it's the weekend, and I'm hopeful that a couple of really solid nights of sleep will help get me closer to my usual state of health (notice I don't pretend to be aiming for "normal," as that's a loaded word, isn't it?). Carlos is very encouraging of the extra time in bed, naturally, so at least someone is happy.

Ever So Slightly Better

I know today wasn't as bad as yesterday, because tonight I went out to pick up Chinese food--the first time I left the house in four days, and the first, shall we say, challenging food I've had in that time, too. (My stomach is ... not sure what to make of this.) I certainly don't feel great, but it gives me some hope for tomorrow.

Which is Friday, somehow. What a weird and cruddy week this has been.

Oh, and I thought of something good. Thank heavens Belmont was gone before this started! Her volume would have been the last straw, during the many times this week when I was lying down as though violently magnetized to the bed. (As I will be again before too much longer, I think.)

Thank you all for the good wishes. I hope your weeks have been better than mine!

Not Better

Worse.

Maybe tomorrow will be better.

Functioning, but Still Cruddy

So, I know you're wondering, when did I get in bed last night? And the answer is, 6:30--yeah, I really did feel that bad. And I'm sure I was asleep by 7, which means that getting up at 6 gave me 11 hours of sleep (minus bathroom breaks, but I fell right back asleep each time). I sure did need sleep after Sunday night, even more than usual. And I didn't even wake up feeling great, which is a little frustrating, but also makes me think about how I'd have done with less sleep (not good, I imagine).

This morning, although I wasn't feeling great (throat slightly better, but frequent cough), I had delusions I could go to the swim class tonight. This afternoon I faced up to the fact that if I barely had the energy to work (every hour or two, I'd go lie down for a few minutes*), there was no way I could exercise for an hour. I really want to make the swim class a habit, but not tonight, I'm afraid. Bummer.
*Another benefit to working from home; if I didn't, I doubt I would have gone in today, what with being possibly contagious and definitely not quiet, ahem-ahem-coughcoughcough.

One of my friends offered to drop off supplies today, if I needed anything, and really I'm fine, but the mentality of "I'm sick, I should have whatever I want" has me thinking of ice cream, pudding, eggnog, all the delicious and not at all non-caloric things that slide right down a sore throat and don't tend to trigger coughs. But I have some yogurt, and soup, and really I'm fine. I even have chocolate, which mostly doesn't make me cough, and is worth it even when it does.

And I'm certainly going to bed early again. We'll see just how early.

Sick? Maybe. Feeling Cruddy? Absolutely.

Today is one of those days when it's good that I work from home, not just for my sake but for the company's. Given how I felt when I got up this morning, going into an office would have been a questionable decision, and this way, while I may not have done my usual amount of work, I did quite a bit (again, considering how I feel).

Let me back up. Sunday morning, I woke up with a sore throat. I was hoping I hadn't picked up a cold (at Thanksgiving dinner, I sat next to someone getting over one), but also considered it possible that it was either from allergies, or winter-dry air. It didn't go away during the day, so when I was out in the afternoon, I picked up some generic Claritin D, which the doctor had said might help with my allergies. I got the 24-hour kind, and took one last night.

And barely slept.

It seems unreasonable to me that they would design a drug that you're only meant to take when you plan to be awake for 24 hours, so if it was the cause of my tremendously bad night, it must be one of those instances wherein I am a special sensitive snowflake. I don't know (though I know I won't experiment with it again; anyone want the rest of the box?). All I know is that I was tired, oh, was I tired, and I lay there and tossed and turned, and dozed only to snap awake, and I was aware of my heart pounding harder than usual, and I was too warm and then not warm enough, and yes, it was as delightful as it sounds. I would guess I got an hour or two of sleep, all together, and between that and the sore throat, felt like utter crap this morning.

(One good thing: my neck, which I borked Sunday morning by leaning sideways to pick up Carlos, was not as bad today. Something went right.)

By lunchtime, realizing that I wasn't really hungry (so unlike me), I decided to be wise about the evening. I called the chiropractor and rescheduled, and emailed my knitting friends that I wouldn't be coming tonight (which was a bummer, I have some fun sooper seekrit Christmas knitting to show), and made my peace with being asleep, the gods and unisom willing, by 8.

Maybe 7.

Six?

Checking In from the Long Weekend

Four weeks after the time change, I really ought to be used to it but now, but I'm not. I ran out to the library (well, two libraries) to pick up holds before they closed, so I was home by 5, and struggling with the idea that the night was not over: it's dark! It must be about bedtime!

It's not. In fact, I'm going out again in a while, in hopes that the mall will be a little less crazy later in the day. It worked at Target last night, not Black Friday shopping, an obsolete concept these days if you ask me, but just regular Stuff; cross your fingers for me tonight. I just want to pick up a few things, ho ho ho.

My long weekend so far has been lovely and peaceful. I've slept a lot, and read, and knitted, and lazed about. The Bruins won Wednesday night and yesterday afternoon, and then are off until Wednesday, when they play three late games in four days. Weird schedule.

I made my angel salad, and mashed potatoes, and did all the dishes (I'm trying hard to maintain some of the tidiness I achieved when my friends came over*). I ate so well on Thanksgiving that I went from around 4 or so, when we finished eating, to about 11 the next morning before I ate again. And then I went back yesterday for leftovers! It's been very good.
*Speaking of that post, by the way, I did flatten the cardboard downstairs, as I meant to. Another small achievement!

Above all things, it has been quiet. I don't miss Belmont at all, not one bit, and in fact I am reveling in the peace her absence brings. Carlos is doing well, enjoying the extra attention and showing more willingness to come to the couch and join me, rather than coaxing me to join him on the bed. It's nice to see him relaxed on the couch, purring, not having to look nervously over his shoulder at her.

Peace. It's wonderful.

Random Gratitude and Other Things

Twas the night before Thanksgiving, and all through the house, there was much satisfaction. The angel salad was chilling in the refrigerator, the cat was chilling on the couch with his mama, and the prospect of four days off work was good.

I'm not certain that Carlos realizes Belmont is actually gone, but if he doesn't, it will sink in soon. For now, he's next to me purring, and relaxed, asking for frequent skritches, which is pretty damn good. The Bruins game is on, so it isn't exactly quiet in here, but in a way it is: no yelling!

S came this morning and got Belmont, but not to take to the MSPCA: her husband successfully lobbied for them to try keeping her again, which is challenging because of their having little kids, but hopefully it will work out. At least for now, she's in a home and not a shelter, which is nice. And not my home, which is nicer! It's a tremendous relief, in fact.

Other things to be grateful for, beyond the cat who is gone and the cat who is here? Sure, plenty of those. How about looking forward to a wonderful dinner tomorrow, good friends and such good food, I'm hungry already. (Wait, have I had dinner? no?) And everyone, there and in the family, is healthy, which is no small blessing. I have a job, a home, food and shelter and all those first-world luxuries, and I don't take them for granted most days, but especially now.

In knitting, I've reached the point on the shawl when I can start the edging, so I'm happy about that.

There's more, of course (I got my coffee maker to work again! yay for vinegar!), but rather than tax my long-weekend brain, I will stop trying to tie everything into gratitude, and ramble on. For instance, two things about yesterday:

• I wore my winter coat for the first time this year (I was freezing on Monday night!).
• I realized that it was nine years since I moved into my condo. I can't believe it's been nine years! On the other hand, 2006 feels like it was about 4 years ago, so clearly I have a time perception problem.

Today I was looking at the Lands End catalog, and was struck by what a good knitting project bag this would make:

I think I would like it even better in blue, but it's still cute in red! Though I think the small size would be the most useful, and I can't see it on the website, only medium and large, so, maybe I won't worry about it. Anyway. Window shopping is fun, too, and better for the budget, for that matter.

Carlos just got up, so I'm going to go start dealing with the dirty dishes all over the counters, and maybe eat something, too. Happy Thanksgiving eve, y'all!

Swum

I took the class tonight, even though I had (and have) a slight headache, can I get some applause, please. It wasn't bad. Not enjoyable, exactly, but tolerable, though the way my legs felt about climbing the stairs when I got home indicates that getting out of bed in the morning may be a challenge.

But S is coming in the morning to get Belmont. That will get me up.

Decision Paralysis

Usually, I find myself in a state of decision paralysis when faced with too many options. Which TV to buy? Which computer? Which car? What features do I want, what don't I? Too many choices!

In the situation with Belmont, I've been in a different kind of decision paralysis. I want to get rid of her, NEED to get rid of her, and have had difficulty finding options. Thinking about it today, I could see two, neither of which feels good.

First, my mother offered to find her a home down there, if I bring her with me at Christmas. It's a very generous offer (motivated, one imagines, by a desire to see her daughter stay juuust on this side of the sanity line), but there are two problems for me with this. One, it's a little logistically challenging: can I get her on my flight? If traveling with a pet counts as your carry-on, can I get my work computer (which I need, as I have to work 1.5 days down there that week) into what they will consider a personal item? Two, I would feel like such a hypocrite, having her sedated for the flight when I wouldn't let the vet do the dental work they said she should have because I didn't want her sedated. She's 16, and I don't like the idea, but I'll do it for my own convenience? Oh, nice, ccr.

Plus, of course, that's a month away.

Second, take her to the MSPCA and surrender her. I would feel very guilty about this, as I'm pretty sure they don't foster animals, and she should be in a home, not a shelter. But I can't find a home, and neither can my friend S (from whom I got Belmont to begin with), who has, bless her, been doing a lot of the virtual legwork to try and find a solution. Every road we have tried has dead-ended; every person, every shelter, every idea has come to nothing. (In the latest news, the friend I had lunch with Friday checked with a friend of hers who was talking about getting an animal, and that person decided to get a puppy.)

But. But. I need her out of here. Soon. Sooner.

This weekend, I had to shut her in the office both mornings at 6-something, so I could get some more sleep, because she wanted me to get up, damn it, and sit on the couch to keep her company while she napped--seriously, that's what she wants. She could come to the bed and sleep with me there, but that isn't the way she wants it.

This morning, I dragged myself out of bed to her yowling (I mean, the alarm had gone off, it was time to get up, but she wasn't shutting up), and dragged around trying to get moving, willing her to be quiet, and when I went to make coffee the machine didn't work. And she just kept yowling, and I was on the verge of tears because I Just Could Not Deal. Morning, Monday, cold, dark, no coffee, and yelling from the cat. Cat people joke about their cats being furry terrorists, but it's true, and it's only a a joke when you love them. When you don't ... it feels like an abusive relationship. (Or what I imagine that feels like. I've have never, fortunately, actually experienced that.)

So, I ran into S on my way out of stitch and bitch tonight. She was on her way to see a few friends, including one who had expressed possible interest in taking Belmont, so we'll know about that tomorrow (I mean, S will know tonight, and I will know tomorrow!). And if not, S said she can take Belmont to the MSPCA tomorrow.

She's been really good about the whole thing, very understanding, not at all giving me any guilt about it, which I appreciate just as much as the work she's been doing in search of a place for Belmont. I'm generating enough guilt on my own, I don't need it from outside. This has to happen, I want it to happen, the getting her out of my home part. And I've done the best I can to control where she's going, and now it's time to let go. The guilt will diminish, I hope, and seeing Carlos a happy only cat again will help that.

I Hate Computers; I Hate Technology.

Why is it so much easier to dwell on what doesn't work than what does? Is it human nature?

Yesterday I installed the new modem that the cable company sent me. It was neither painless nor agonizing, but with work and only a few tears, I got two computers, two tablets, the TV, and the printer to acknowledge the change.

Then I took the laptop to work on the couch with the Bruins game on in the background, and while it obliged me by maintaining the connection (wouldn't it be nice if that lasted), I tried to print something and it informed me that the printer was offline.

Which it was not.

And I know it wasn't, not only because the printer claimed it was fine, but because when I cranked up the old computer, it was slow, but printed without a hiccup.

I swear, I did get the new laptop to print at one point, but lately it's been giving me this shit, and I don't even want to deal with it. Just work, already.

Then just now, I loaded some photos off the computer onto the camera, and some of them needed to be rotated so I did that, and saved. Then I went to put new pictures of the shawl on my project page on Ravelry, where the pictures show up unrotated. It did the same here, and though I was able to make it rotate (and went back to Rav and did the same there), I'm still ticked off about the whole thing. Why does technology have to be this way?

The shawl is coming nicely, by the way, speaking of it,

That's half of it, stretched out to show the pattern. I'm over half done, by the yarn I have left, and since the pattern says that the edging takes a lot of yarn, this may be my last pattern repeat. We'll see. I quite like the pattern.

In other pictures, I promised to show you the two new sets of flannel sheets I got recently, so here they are:

Apparently I really like snowflakes--as long as they are soft and warm.

Now, for the grand finish, how about some cat photos? Miss Belmont, awake for once (in a photo, that is).

I had lunch on Friday with someone from my old job, catching up (she just got a fabulous new job, I'm so happy for her), and she said she knew someone she could ask about taking Belmont, but since I haven't heard back, I am trying to dial down my hopes. Which is hard.

And here's the view I get of His Lordship most days, while I am eating my lunch.

I just thought I would sit here, in case there was something for me. Doesn't have to be your foods. I know you has the treats up there. Just saying.

More Unrated Movies

I shared a few weeks ago when I saw the movie listing that claimed it had "dream logic" and more. Since then, I've noticed other listings, and it really has me wondering if the Globe writes these, or if they are provided by the studios or someone else. I kind of want to watch unrated movies and decide what people need to be warned about. Such as, you ask? Well.

Would you watch a movie that admitted to depicting graphically butchered poultry? Is that better or worse than "corporate destruction of communities"? Or is that humans-first thinking?

What about a crocodile attack? As long as there wasn't anything else scary?

This is my favorite, though. Notice that it gets half of one star.

Which is when I started to wonder who writes these...